Darrell Hammond, God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked: Tales of Stand-up, Saturday Night Live, and Other Mind-altering Mayhem (New York: HarperCollins, 2011)

There are several clues in the title of this book that might indicate to someone who knows me that it might not have made it to the top of my reading list. First of all, there is a word in the title that I don’t use and that can be very offensive. Secondly, I am just not a stay up and watch television on Saturday night kind of guy. Of course I know of Saturday Night Live and I have watched a few episodes, but most of what I know about the show comes from watching clips of past shoes on YouTube.


I picked up Darrell Hammond’s book for a different reason than to find out about popular culture or to read “forbidden” words. I have a deep interest in learning about and trying to understand the dynamics of mental illness. Hammond has been engaged in a life-long struggle with mis-diagnosed and sometimes accurately diagnosed psychiatric illness. The result is that he has had a lifetime of incredibly strong psycho pharmaceutical drugs, alcohol abuse, the abuse of dozens of illegal drugs, cutting himself and inner turmoil. In the midst of all of this he was somehow able to achieve brilliance as a performer and bring joy to millions through his acting and impersonations. He played many famous persons, but is perhaps best known for his portrayal of President Bill Clinton on Saturday Night Live and at numerous national press events and other occasions.

Reading the book made me realize how much pain he had to cut through to do his work.

It is a difficult book to read. But It is worth it because it gives an accurate account of one man’s perspective on his experiences. No child should have to suffer the trauma that Hammond experienced. But the past cannot be erased. Having been dealt an outrageously difficult hand from the beginning somehow Hammond has slogged through, survived, and triumphed. The struggles are not over, but I am deeply grateful he worked through all of the challenges to produce a book that helps me better understand.