Choices that change everything
07/09/14 05:10
40 years ago my cousin left his job as an engineer in California and took his family on an adventure to Belize. They owned a towable trimaran sailboat and used the boat as a camper on the drive through Mexico. When they arrived in Belize they launched the boat and went cruising in the coastal waters. They intended the adventure to be more than a vacation. The plan was to give the entire family a tropical experience to last no more than two years. They would keep up with the children’s education through home schooling, except they wouldn’t be at home. The travel and immersion in another culture would serve to be valuable experiences.
The adventure lasted more than he planned two years. Over the decades they raised and launched their children into successful marriages and challenging careers, they built a large schooner out of locally-harvested woods, they developed a craft business that makes and sells rosewood items, some of which have made their ways into famous places. A chalice and paten were made for Pope John Paul II when he visited Belize. Members of the Royal Family in Britain have pieces of Kirby Kraft. Their business expanded to making wooden dinghies for other sailors. That schooner that they built has been their home for more than 25 years now. And they have written and published two books about their experiences.
The surprising thing to me about their story is how quickly it went by from my point of view. I remember when they first made the trip. I remember when they decided to make a simple house and stay for a while. I remember when they started the big sailboat project. In the decades of their adventure, Susan and I have gone off to seminary and served congregations in three different states. Our lives have been a bit more fixed than theirs and there have been days when we adhered to more rigid schedules than they. And we haven’t dwelt in tropical climates or lived off the land as much.
But the time has passed quickly.
I was thinking of the quick passage of time in part because I just finished reading my cousin’s second book. I was also thinking about the passage of time because of a wedding at our church yesterday. I looked at the couple as they stood before us, earnestly serious about the commitment they were making. I thought to myself how young they are - how many challenges lie ahead for them. It seemed like a very important turning point in their lives, but it also seemed like an awfully big commitment for ones so young. They were, in fact, almost as young as I was when I became married.
Of course I didn’t think of myself as young back then. I thought I was mature and taking the right steps to build my adult life. And the times were different in those days. The fact that I was three years beyond high school made me older than some of my peers at their marriages. The average age of first marriage in the United States has gone up nearly a decade since we were married.
I know it sounds a bit silly, but one of my prayers for the young couple is that they will one day know the joys of growing old together. After they have beat the odds, when they have endured through hard times and good times, when their children are launched with marriages of their own, I pray that they will have formed a bond that is stable and secure and mutually rewarding.
I know it is possible because I have been so blessed.
The one thing that I would not be able to meaningfully communicate to them, however, is how quickly the time will pass. There are times, in the middle of the night with a fussy baby, when the minutes seem to drag. There are times when it seems like it takes forever for a week to pass. But once it is passed, the moment seems incredibly brief. I remember having two young children, one of whom was a terrible sleeper. It seemed like I never got to sleep the whole night through and that I was constantly tired, struggling to just find enough energy to get to bedtime. These days, that seems like such a short blip in the story of my life, hardly worth mentioning if I were to write a memoir. And that particular child retained her ability to make me lose sleep well into her twenties.
It is interesting to me that things that didn’t seem at all pleasant when they were occurring turned into treasured memories. Other things have been completely forgotten. My brain is constantly sifting and sorting the memories and trying to pull all of the diverse pieces of my experience into some kind of integrated whole. That process is part of my task at this stage of my life. It is not the assignment of a twenty-something newlywed. Their job is to face life boldly and to live life fully and to gather the experiences that will one day become their treasured memories.
So it is impossible for them to understand or even believe that the timing of their lives will be short and fast.
One thing seems fairly certain, neither I nor the young couple will forget what happened yesterday. It is a major event and a memory worth treasuring. Marriage is a little bit like a trip to another land - it is entering a new place and a new adventure. It is forming a new home and establishing a new way of life. It is shifting the center of your attention and the focus of your energy.
I don’t know for sure what it was like for my cousin to head off into a new land with his family. I only made it to Chicago and we only stayed there for four years. I don’t know for sure what it felt like for the couple to exchange their vows in the church yesterday.
What I do know is that both were the results of life-changing decisions. And both were moments that held great potential for building the future. We don’t know how the future will unfold, but the choices we make are momentous nonetheless.
The adventure lasted more than he planned two years. Over the decades they raised and launched their children into successful marriages and challenging careers, they built a large schooner out of locally-harvested woods, they developed a craft business that makes and sells rosewood items, some of which have made their ways into famous places. A chalice and paten were made for Pope John Paul II when he visited Belize. Members of the Royal Family in Britain have pieces of Kirby Kraft. Their business expanded to making wooden dinghies for other sailors. That schooner that they built has been their home for more than 25 years now. And they have written and published two books about their experiences.
The surprising thing to me about their story is how quickly it went by from my point of view. I remember when they first made the trip. I remember when they decided to make a simple house and stay for a while. I remember when they started the big sailboat project. In the decades of their adventure, Susan and I have gone off to seminary and served congregations in three different states. Our lives have been a bit more fixed than theirs and there have been days when we adhered to more rigid schedules than they. And we haven’t dwelt in tropical climates or lived off the land as much.
But the time has passed quickly.
I was thinking of the quick passage of time in part because I just finished reading my cousin’s second book. I was also thinking about the passage of time because of a wedding at our church yesterday. I looked at the couple as they stood before us, earnestly serious about the commitment they were making. I thought to myself how young they are - how many challenges lie ahead for them. It seemed like a very important turning point in their lives, but it also seemed like an awfully big commitment for ones so young. They were, in fact, almost as young as I was when I became married.
Of course I didn’t think of myself as young back then. I thought I was mature and taking the right steps to build my adult life. And the times were different in those days. The fact that I was three years beyond high school made me older than some of my peers at their marriages. The average age of first marriage in the United States has gone up nearly a decade since we were married.
I know it sounds a bit silly, but one of my prayers for the young couple is that they will one day know the joys of growing old together. After they have beat the odds, when they have endured through hard times and good times, when their children are launched with marriages of their own, I pray that they will have formed a bond that is stable and secure and mutually rewarding.
I know it is possible because I have been so blessed.
The one thing that I would not be able to meaningfully communicate to them, however, is how quickly the time will pass. There are times, in the middle of the night with a fussy baby, when the minutes seem to drag. There are times when it seems like it takes forever for a week to pass. But once it is passed, the moment seems incredibly brief. I remember having two young children, one of whom was a terrible sleeper. It seemed like I never got to sleep the whole night through and that I was constantly tired, struggling to just find enough energy to get to bedtime. These days, that seems like such a short blip in the story of my life, hardly worth mentioning if I were to write a memoir. And that particular child retained her ability to make me lose sleep well into her twenties.
It is interesting to me that things that didn’t seem at all pleasant when they were occurring turned into treasured memories. Other things have been completely forgotten. My brain is constantly sifting and sorting the memories and trying to pull all of the diverse pieces of my experience into some kind of integrated whole. That process is part of my task at this stage of my life. It is not the assignment of a twenty-something newlywed. Their job is to face life boldly and to live life fully and to gather the experiences that will one day become their treasured memories.
So it is impossible for them to understand or even believe that the timing of their lives will be short and fast.
One thing seems fairly certain, neither I nor the young couple will forget what happened yesterday. It is a major event and a memory worth treasuring. Marriage is a little bit like a trip to another land - it is entering a new place and a new adventure. It is forming a new home and establishing a new way of life. It is shifting the center of your attention and the focus of your energy.
I don’t know for sure what it was like for my cousin to head off into a new land with his family. I only made it to Chicago and we only stayed there for four years. I don’t know for sure what it felt like for the couple to exchange their vows in the church yesterday.
What I do know is that both were the results of life-changing decisions. And both were moments that held great potential for building the future. We don’t know how the future will unfold, but the choices we make are momentous nonetheless.