Playing is serious business
30/06/14 06:20
A three-year-old has an amazing capacity for repetition. If he finds a fund game or project, he is willing to do it over and over again well beyond the point of boredom of his parents. One of the luxuries of being grandparents is that we are able to spend a bit more time of the projects of a three-year-old without having to impose the structure and schedule of the busy life of a growing family in this complex world. His parents have another child for which to care and they have schedules and appointments and all sorts of other things that take their time and require them to be mindful of the clock.
Yesterday, a simple puddle provided more than half an hour’s entertainment for our grandson. He discovered the puddle while riding his strider bike and would have splashed through it over and over until he was thoroughly wet from top to bottom. I suggested that he might want to go get his boots from the camper, a suggestion that he took up right away. Returning with his boots, which made riding the Strider difficult, he proceeded to walk into the puddle and stomp his feet and splash. Having no deadlines in that part of our day, we simply watched . . . and watched . . . and watched. After a while we got bored and began to suggest other activities, each of which was rejected in favor of a few minutes splashing in the puddle. We finally came up with a game that distracted him into another trip back to the camper, dry socks and pants and other adventures.
The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” A preschooler is fully capable of willing one thing at a time. His parents (and grandparents) are distracted by many thoughts and problems and ideas. We think about the books and magazines we are reading. We think about our jobs. We think about the schedule of other activities for the day. We think about how wet he is getting, about running the washer to make sure he has clean clothes, about bath time, nap time, meal time. He just think about how fun it is to stomp you feet in a puddle and watch the water splash.
Our wills are no match for his. It is that whole purity of heart business. We often lose the focus of what is most important to us. We often have many things that seem to us to be important. We rarely can approach the focus of the three-year-old.
His three-week-old sister is even more focused. What she seems to think about all the time is eating. She seems to have only about four modes: “I am sleeping.” “I need my diaper changed.” “I need a cuddle.” “I’m hungry.” Only in her mind, there is very little difference between any of her awake modes. “I need my diaper changed” means, “I’m uncomfortable - fix it and then feed me.” “I need a cuddle” means “And oh by the way, feed me.” And she knows the difference between grandpa’s gnarly finger tip and the source of her food - that trick only works for a few minutes.
There is some truth to the notion of the purity of children. They face the world openly and honestly.
Hanging out with our grandchildren has meant that we have been in a lot of places where we can observe other children. We went to park playgrounds multiple times. The other children at the campground gather at the track for bike and scooter riding and at the playground. We made one trip to a shopping mall that had a play area for children. Wow! There are a lot of kids whose parents are at the mall. There was a birthday party and a play date.
Observing all of those children gave us the opportunity to observe a bit of their parents’ behavior as well. We’ve seen a lot of excellent parenting. We watched one attentive dad at the shopping mall, who was reminding his son of the need to be aware of the other children and share. At one point the child started to throw a bit of a temper tantrum and block a crawling tunnel. Dad was on top of the situation right away, removing the child from the play space and talking to him about how he could get back to playing. He spoke of the positive things of good behavior and within a minute or two the preschooler was back in the mix of things and treating the other children with dignity and respect in the process. He remembered how to share and to play with other children. His father rewarded him with praise for his good behavior.
We have also had the opportunity to observe some pretty poor parenting behavior as well. There’s no need to tell those stories in this blog, but suffice it to say that it is a wonder that some public places where children are taken aren’t filled with more violence and tragedy - parents are that inattentive to their children. They just deposit them and then go on with their lives, leaving the children to fend for themselves. By the time they are six or seven they are seriously dangerous to younger children, and seriously rude to adults. I’m sure their parents complain about their behavior. They will often yell at the children from across the room or across the park, but never get up to make a real response to the misbehaving child.
I am reminded of what genuinely difficult work it is to nurture small children. And I am also reminded that some people have a natural ability for the task and others have to work harder. For some caring for children is less instinctual. The role of those who care for children is critical to the functioning of our society. Neglect the children and you neglect the future. All of us need to be reminded from time to time how difficult the job of being good parents is and how important that job is to our society.
How grateful I am for the hard work and love of caring parents. The results of their efforts really show and have a huge impact on the lives of us all.
Yesterday, a simple puddle provided more than half an hour’s entertainment for our grandson. He discovered the puddle while riding his strider bike and would have splashed through it over and over until he was thoroughly wet from top to bottom. I suggested that he might want to go get his boots from the camper, a suggestion that he took up right away. Returning with his boots, which made riding the Strider difficult, he proceeded to walk into the puddle and stomp his feet and splash. Having no deadlines in that part of our day, we simply watched . . . and watched . . . and watched. After a while we got bored and began to suggest other activities, each of which was rejected in favor of a few minutes splashing in the puddle. We finally came up with a game that distracted him into another trip back to the camper, dry socks and pants and other adventures.
The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, “Purity of heart is to will one thing.” A preschooler is fully capable of willing one thing at a time. His parents (and grandparents) are distracted by many thoughts and problems and ideas. We think about the books and magazines we are reading. We think about our jobs. We think about the schedule of other activities for the day. We think about how wet he is getting, about running the washer to make sure he has clean clothes, about bath time, nap time, meal time. He just think about how fun it is to stomp you feet in a puddle and watch the water splash.
Our wills are no match for his. It is that whole purity of heart business. We often lose the focus of what is most important to us. We often have many things that seem to us to be important. We rarely can approach the focus of the three-year-old.
His three-week-old sister is even more focused. What she seems to think about all the time is eating. She seems to have only about four modes: “I am sleeping.” “I need my diaper changed.” “I need a cuddle.” “I’m hungry.” Only in her mind, there is very little difference between any of her awake modes. “I need my diaper changed” means, “I’m uncomfortable - fix it and then feed me.” “I need a cuddle” means “And oh by the way, feed me.” And she knows the difference between grandpa’s gnarly finger tip and the source of her food - that trick only works for a few minutes.
There is some truth to the notion of the purity of children. They face the world openly and honestly.
Hanging out with our grandchildren has meant that we have been in a lot of places where we can observe other children. We went to park playgrounds multiple times. The other children at the campground gather at the track for bike and scooter riding and at the playground. We made one trip to a shopping mall that had a play area for children. Wow! There are a lot of kids whose parents are at the mall. There was a birthday party and a play date.
We have also had the opportunity to observe some pretty poor parenting behavior as well. There’s no need to tell those stories in this blog, but suffice it to say that it is a wonder that some public places where children are taken aren’t filled with more violence and tragedy - parents are that inattentive to their children. They just deposit them and then go on with their lives, leaving the children to fend for themselves. By the time they are six or seven they are seriously dangerous to younger children, and seriously rude to adults. I’m sure their parents complain about their behavior. They will often yell at the children from across the room or across the park, but never get up to make a real response to the misbehaving child.
I am reminded of what genuinely difficult work it is to nurture small children. And I am also reminded that some people have a natural ability for the task and others have to work harder. For some caring for children is less instinctual. The role of those who care for children is critical to the functioning of our society. Neglect the children and you neglect the future. All of us need to be reminded from time to time how difficult the job of being good parents is and how important that job is to our society.
How grateful I am for the hard work and love of caring parents. The results of their efforts really show and have a huge impact on the lives of us all.