Missing out
22/03/14 05:24
Andrew Przybylski is a social scientist who works at the University of Oxford. For several years now he has been studying the way that people use computers and other devices and their ability to regulate their use. Electronic games may not lead to addiction in the same ways that alcohol and drugs so, but the overuse of games can cause major problems for those who allow the games to disrupt normal social interaction. And there are some people who seem to lack the ability to control their use of games. Przybylski’s studies led him to examine the use of social media as well. With the rise of smart phones people have access to sites such as Facebook nearly everywhere they go. Some people find it difficult to disconnect from constant checking of social media.
Last year Przybylski collaborated with three other social scientists to coin the term “FoMO.” The letters stand for the fear of missing out. It is a condition experienced by an increasing number of adults when they take a break from social media. FoMO is not yet recognized as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). The official manual used by mental health providers and insurance companies in diagnosing mental illness does, however, formally recognize Internet Use Disorder. The authors of the DSM say that internet use disorder needs more study. However, according to the American Psychiatric Association, producers of the DSM, preoccupation with the internet or internet gaming does parallel other addiction disorders. Those who suffer the preoccupation exhibit withdrawal symptoms, tolerance (the need to spend more and more time to experience the same “high”), loss of other interests, inability to quit and other addictive symptoms.
It isn’t that we somehow need another psychiatric disorder. There are plenty of existing ways for people to become addicted and unable to function in their daily lives. But there is little doubt that extensive use of the Internet and social media can become disruptive of healthy living.
I happened to catch a blog post by Rebecca Sullivan, a regular contributor to news.com.au. She writes of being on a dream vacation on Bali when she was overwhelmed with an overwhelming sense that she was missing out. Her experience of the social anxiety came as a wave of fear that everyone else is having more fun than you. In her blog, she described relaxing beside the pool in a private villa in a lush hotel watching a beautiful sunset when she checked her Instagram feed. She spotted a photo of some of her friends in a bar, another picture showed colleagues having a laugh in the office. Those pictures somehow gave her an overwhelming feeling that she was in the wrong place and that she needed to be back home with her friends and back at work.
Her description seems extreme, I think. Most people wouldn’t have much trouble enjoying a once-in-a-lifetime vacation for which they had planned for months or even years. I don’t know if it is a psychiatric disorder, but there is something definitely wrong with the inability to enjoy the present.
It isn’t just extreme cases like the one reported by Sullivan. Millions of people report that they experience FoMO after using facebook. The scale developed by Przybylski and his colleagues asks ten simple questions:
1. I fear others have more rewarding experiences than me.
2. I fear my friends have more rewarding experiences than me.
3. I get worried when I find out my friends are having fun without me.
4. I get anxious when I don't know what my friends are up to.
5. It is important that I understand my friends "in jokes."
6. Sometimes, I wonder if I spend too much time keeping up with what is going on.
7. It bothers me when I miss an opportunity to meet up with friends.
8. When I have a good time it is important for me to share the details online (e.g. updating status).
9. When I miss out on a planned get-together it bothers me.
10. When I go on vacation, I continue to keep tabs on what my friends are doing.
Now I have to admit that I seem to be nearly immune to FoMO. I have a facebook account, but I don’t check it even daily, let alone hourly. It often seems to me that checking social media takes more time than I am willing to give, so I do other things instead. But I observe others, primarily teens, who find it really difficult to disengage from constant use of social media.
We have teens in our church youth group who find it difficult to set aside their cell phones for even an hour. The thought of giving up social media for even one day seems threatening to them. Many of the teens in our church would find it difficult, if not impossible, to give up all forms of social media for a week.
There are several practical skills that all users of social media need to learn. One is the skill of limiting the amount of time one engages in the use of the social media. I believe that it is necessary to set limits. Eventually each individual needs to be able to set his or her own limits. However, parents should assist teens in setting limits as they are learning how to incorporate social media into their lifestyles. At church, we have named some sacred times when the devices are set aside: prayer, worship and other group activities. I believe that family mealtimes are also times when the devices needs to be set aside. A second skill that needs to be learned is the ability to find internal sources of validation and meaning. It is not uncommon for people to look to friends and other people for a sense of acceptance and value. Becoming overly dependent on others to determine one’s worth, however, leads to a loss of control. Individuals need to develop an internal sense of worth and validation.
I took a day off from work yesterday. Well, not completely, I did do one errand that was church-related. But for the most part, I allowed others to do the work of the church while I took a break. I don’t remember any sense of anxiety. I didn’t check facebook or instagram or twitter. I received one phone call and initiated two other calls. I don’t think I missed out on anything.
I’m going to leave the treatment of FoMO to the professionals.
Meanwhile, I think I’ll start practicing JoMO. At least, from time to time, I really enjoy the joy of missing out.
Last year Przybylski collaborated with three other social scientists to coin the term “FoMO.” The letters stand for the fear of missing out. It is a condition experienced by an increasing number of adults when they take a break from social media. FoMO is not yet recognized as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). The official manual used by mental health providers and insurance companies in diagnosing mental illness does, however, formally recognize Internet Use Disorder. The authors of the DSM say that internet use disorder needs more study. However, according to the American Psychiatric Association, producers of the DSM, preoccupation with the internet or internet gaming does parallel other addiction disorders. Those who suffer the preoccupation exhibit withdrawal symptoms, tolerance (the need to spend more and more time to experience the same “high”), loss of other interests, inability to quit and other addictive symptoms.
It isn’t that we somehow need another psychiatric disorder. There are plenty of existing ways for people to become addicted and unable to function in their daily lives. But there is little doubt that extensive use of the Internet and social media can become disruptive of healthy living.
I happened to catch a blog post by Rebecca Sullivan, a regular contributor to news.com.au. She writes of being on a dream vacation on Bali when she was overwhelmed with an overwhelming sense that she was missing out. Her experience of the social anxiety came as a wave of fear that everyone else is having more fun than you. In her blog, she described relaxing beside the pool in a private villa in a lush hotel watching a beautiful sunset when she checked her Instagram feed. She spotted a photo of some of her friends in a bar, another picture showed colleagues having a laugh in the office. Those pictures somehow gave her an overwhelming feeling that she was in the wrong place and that she needed to be back home with her friends and back at work.
Her description seems extreme, I think. Most people wouldn’t have much trouble enjoying a once-in-a-lifetime vacation for which they had planned for months or even years. I don’t know if it is a psychiatric disorder, but there is something definitely wrong with the inability to enjoy the present.
It isn’t just extreme cases like the one reported by Sullivan. Millions of people report that they experience FoMO after using facebook. The scale developed by Przybylski and his colleagues asks ten simple questions:
1. I fear others have more rewarding experiences than me.
2. I fear my friends have more rewarding experiences than me.
3. I get worried when I find out my friends are having fun without me.
4. I get anxious when I don't know what my friends are up to.
5. It is important that I understand my friends "in jokes."
6. Sometimes, I wonder if I spend too much time keeping up with what is going on.
7. It bothers me when I miss an opportunity to meet up with friends.
8. When I have a good time it is important for me to share the details online (e.g. updating status).
9. When I miss out on a planned get-together it bothers me.
10. When I go on vacation, I continue to keep tabs on what my friends are doing.
Now I have to admit that I seem to be nearly immune to FoMO. I have a facebook account, but I don’t check it even daily, let alone hourly. It often seems to me that checking social media takes more time than I am willing to give, so I do other things instead. But I observe others, primarily teens, who find it really difficult to disengage from constant use of social media.
We have teens in our church youth group who find it difficult to set aside their cell phones for even an hour. The thought of giving up social media for even one day seems threatening to them. Many of the teens in our church would find it difficult, if not impossible, to give up all forms of social media for a week.
There are several practical skills that all users of social media need to learn. One is the skill of limiting the amount of time one engages in the use of the social media. I believe that it is necessary to set limits. Eventually each individual needs to be able to set his or her own limits. However, parents should assist teens in setting limits as they are learning how to incorporate social media into their lifestyles. At church, we have named some sacred times when the devices are set aside: prayer, worship and other group activities. I believe that family mealtimes are also times when the devices needs to be set aside. A second skill that needs to be learned is the ability to find internal sources of validation and meaning. It is not uncommon for people to look to friends and other people for a sense of acceptance and value. Becoming overly dependent on others to determine one’s worth, however, leads to a loss of control. Individuals need to develop an internal sense of worth and validation.
I took a day off from work yesterday. Well, not completely, I did do one errand that was church-related. But for the most part, I allowed others to do the work of the church while I took a break. I don’t remember any sense of anxiety. I didn’t check facebook or instagram or twitter. I received one phone call and initiated two other calls. I don’t think I missed out on anything.
I’m going to leave the treatment of FoMO to the professionals.
Meanwhile, I think I’ll start practicing JoMO. At least, from time to time, I really enjoy the joy of missing out.