I have heard this story multiple times from multiple sources, so I think that the basic gist of the narrative is accurate. Somewhere on the old country school where my father and his brothers and sister attended, there was an old drain pipe. It probably was a rain gutter downspout or perhaps a pipe that drained a sink or some other gray water source. I’ not sure about that detail. Some of the boys at the school - and there weren’t that many boys in the school - discovered that it distorted your voice and made a strange, echoey sound when you talked into that pipe. On a dare from classmates, probably his little brothers included, my father yelled “Teacher-weacher don’t know nothing!” into the pipe.

The sound might have been distorted but it was a country school and there weren’t that many kids and the teacher knew instantly who the guilty party was. There was no need for a jury or a trial. My father was discovered. The punishment involved extra chores after school for several weeks. It also included a lecture from his parents about showing proper respect at school.

The story was brought out frequently when we were growing up, as a reminder that our parents and our teachers saw themselves to be on the same team. Get into trouble at school, and that trouble will follow you home. Don’t expect your parents to come and bail you out if you act irresponsibly when you aren’t at home.

We knew were loved. We knew we were supported. But we also knew that there were responsibilities that we had to share and that we couldn’t expect to escape the consequences if we behaved badly, even if the behavior wasn’t witnessed by our parents.

I suppose that it is close to 80 years since the drainpipe incident. Things have changed.

Yesterday I was working at my desk with my back to the window. It wasn’t hard for me to keep an eye on two boys playing in the church yard because I have a large mirror in my office and a wall full of windows. They picked up a few crab apples that had fallen from the tree and threw them out into the yard. Then they tried climbing the tree to get a few more. The problem is that they couldn’t climb far enough out the branches to get more apples. They did, however, manage to shake a few more onto the ground. They tried throwing them over the church roof - but the distance was too great for them. Then I noticed that they disappeared alongside the church wall.

A few moments later, “WHAM!” a rock hit the fascia. It wasn’t quite lined up with my window, but I had a good picture in my mind of what happened. I got up and headed out the east door of the church and snuck around the corner of the church. There were the two boys with a half dozen rocks lined up on the curb. They had taken the rocks from the landscaping around the building. One was taking aim, looking to throw his rock toward the church roof. When I came around the corner, he let the rock fall. “Do you really think it is a good idea to throw rocks at the church?” I asked. “Sorry,” one of them said. “You know,” I continued, “that window would probably cost $500 to replace.” “Sorry,” came the reply. “No more stones?” I asked. “No, we won’t be throwing stones,” he said.

And then, as I started back into the church, I added, “We like it when you play nicely in the yard. You’re welcome to come over here. But we don’t like it when you damage things. And I do know where you live.”

By the time I got back to my office they had left the church yard. But they’ll be back. They live right across the street.

We call these children “feral children.” They are different from the “institutionalized children” that we also see in our community. The institutionalized children are children whose parents expect discipline to come from the institution. They are used to dropping their children off at the YMCA, daycare, school, and other institutions. In those places the behavior of their children is totally handed over to the institution. They treat their children the same way when they come to church. If their child misbehaves in church, even if it is right in front of the parent, the parent does nothing. They expect the church to take care of the problem. That’s the way it works in their family. The day care or other institution takes care of the discipline.

Feral children are also lacking in direction and supervision from their parents, but they simply roam around without adequate supervision. When they get into trouble, they expect to be able to get away with it unless they get caught.

The development of conscience is a critical life skill. When children expect the controls on their behavior to come from outside of them, they don’t develop the social skills that they need to get along in life. At some point, they need to move the controls from externally-set limits to internal controls. They need to learn not to engage in destructive behavior because they have a sense of what is right and what is wrong. However, if this skill is never carefully taught, they become children - and then adults - who misbehave as long as they think they can get along with it.

It isn’t a crisis with a couple of neighbor boys. I pretty much know how to get them to behave. It is a real crisis if they grow up to be adults who think that it is OK to drink and drive as long as they don’t get caught.

I’m trying to form a limited friendship with the children who live near the church. I hope to get to know them well enough that they understand what a church is, how we serve the community, and how important it is for everyone in the community to support our ministry. But I’ve got a long way to go with these kids.

Right now my goal is to get through the fall without getting a rock through a window.

Copyright © 2014 by Ted Huffman. I wrote this. If you want to copy it, please ask for permission. There is a contact me button at the bottom of this page. If you want to share my blog a friend, please direct your friend to my web site.