Patrol officers wear duty belts. The style favored by the duties in our Sheriff’s office are about 2.25 to 2.5 inches wide and strap over another belt, connecting with leather loops that snap around both belts. They have a wide variety of things that they attach to their belts. Here is a holster for their gun and holsters for less lethal weapons such as tasers and pepper spray. There is a pouch for handcuffs. Most of our officers carry cell phones in pouches on their belts. They all carry flashlights, though there are various sizes from small mag lights to the big 5 D-cell models. There are also pouches for various other items than can hang from the belts. In some law enforcement circles, police suspenders help hold up all of that equipment and transfer some of the weight from the hips to the shoulders, but such are not popular in our department.

The old west has faded some around here. It isn’t like every person you meet has a six shooter hanging from his belt and half of them have two. These days the people who carry pistols often have concealed weapons permits and you never see them.

But it is increasingly popular for men to have a lot of gadgets hanging from their belts.

Recently I was looking at a friend’s belt. He works as a technician for complex medical imaging devices and his customers are not happy when their machines need maintenance. So he carries a cell phone for his work. And he has a personal cell phone. Both are smart phones with healthy displays, neither is appropriate for pants pockets. He is also a volunteer for our local search and rescue squad, so he also had a pager hanging from his belt.

It is sometimes amusing to watch men preparing to go through airport security. They remove their belts because of metal buckles and as they do a string of pouches fall. Most are adept at catching the various items and putting them into the bins to go through the scanners. A few less seasoned travlers drop items on the floor and create a general amusement for TSA workers and other witnesses.

I usually wear a sports coat when traveling. I stuff all my things into my jacket, and remove my belt and put it in my carry on bag before getting into the line. That way I can simply remove my jacket, send it through the scanner and retrieve it after I walk through the scanners. Of course the item I forget to remove is my watch and that can cause a moment to back up, remove the watch and try again.

I confess that I usually carry my cell phone in a pouch on my belt. It just works better than trying to put it in my pocket. And I’ve been known to clip a pen and sometimes a flashlight and a pen to a belt loop with a carabiner. Sometimes, I even put my keys on a carabiner and clip them to a belt loop.

I’m sure i’m no better and no less comical in appearance than other men.

Not having adjusted to purses, we have to have somewhere to put all of our junk. Having put on a few pounds, our pants are a bit tighter and our pockets a bit less useful than they were a few decades ago. I know I have a lot of stuff I cram into my pockets. I always carry a small note pad. Sometimes I even jot down blog ideas in it. I know my smart phone will record all of the notes I need, but I’m still addicted to paper somehow when it comes to making notes. The pad is useless without a pen. And the choice of pen is important because most pens break or leak in your pockets. I’ve found a short pressurized pen that is not prone to such events. I always carry a pocket comb, though it seems that a few more years will leave me sufficiently hairless to leave this item at home. Then there is my wallet. I try to keep it slim, but it grows with accumulated receipts, post it notes, shopping lists and other items. Of course, I need keys - and I have a wad of those. I carry keys for two exterior locks, the padlock for the wood splitters and six different internal locks in the church - so my church keys fill up a rather large ring. Then I have my own house key and the keys to whatever vehicle I’m driving. And car keys all have remote door fobs on them these days.

You get the picture. Part of my girth ini my midsection is the result of a life of too many fatty foods and insufficient exercise. Part of the width is due to all of the things I carry in my pockets and on my belt. It’s too bad that the extra calories consumed by carrying the extra weight won’t reduce the belly fat. If things keep going the way they are, before long I’ll look like an egg with a couple of tiny feet and arms and a head and a rubber band around the middle where there used to be a waist. There will be lots of things hanging from that center band.

For a while cell phones were getting smaller and smaller and there was a time when I had a small phone that carried rather easily in my pocket. You had to know that trend wouldn’t last. Men just don’t enjoy standing around bragging, “Mine’s smaller than yours!” So these days the phones are getting bigger and bigger as the companies add more and more functions and the displays need to get bigger to show more information, not to mention that the eyesight of the customers is fading. Big screens are easier to see. Unless Google Glasses catch on, before long, we’ll all be carrying around flat screen televisions on our belts.

My canoe doesn’t require all of that equipment. And much of it, like the wallet and phone are things that you don’t want to get wet. Lately I’ve been thinking that one of the joys of paddling is the feeling of empty pockets and nothing to hang on my belt.

Then again, I’ve got to wait a while for the weather to cooperate with my paddling. In the meantime, don’t worry. You’re safe. I don’t carry any weapons on my belt. And if I did, it would take me a while to find them.

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