Wedding anniversary, 2014
22/06/14 07:08
There are a lot of stories in the bible in which the number 40 figures prominently. It rains for 40 days and 40 nights when Noah and the animals are on the ark. The people of Israel wander in the desert for 40 years after they make a golden calf and flirt with idolatry. Jesus spends 40 days in the wilderness and faces temptation as he discerns God’s call for his life. the number 40 is identified as “a good and long time.”
The number 41 gets less press.
There are plenty of biblical characters who live to be more than 40 years old. The stories of Abraham and Sarah mostly come from the years after they were 40. But e don’t have many specific stories about what happens in the 41st year. It is short of the jubilee. It is greater than 40 but less than a lot of other numbers.
I remember 41 years ago today very well. It was our wedding day. We were young. In today’s culture, we might be considered too young for marriage. We thought that we were being very mature and making wise decisions, but looking back, we had a lot of growing up to do and were mostly lucky in the decisions that we made. Maturity wasn’t really part of the picture for us in those days. Still, it proved to be a very good decision for us. Sometimes growing up together can be a very good thing.
Back then, 41 years seemed to us to be a very long time. It was a couple of lifetimes. We knew a few couples who had been married that long, but they were the ages of our grandparents. I don’t think I spent much time thinking about what life would be like 41 years later.
I think we both intended to have children and raise a family, but we were in no hurry to have children right away. We were interested in completing our educations. As it turned out, we spent the first five years of our marriage being students. Those years were a time of wonderful experiences, forging lifelong relationships and growing together. We studied together, read many of the same books and explored our theologies and understandings of God and the world together. We lived in tiny, cramped apartments and didn’t have much money or many possessions and were as happy as we could be.
These days, I am glad not to be living in a student apartment in Chicago, but I can see that the days will come when we will make the move to a senior apartment and once again pare down our possessions. But that is an adventure for another day and we’ve got quite a few adventures in us.
I suppose that to young couples getting married these days we are quite old. They probably aren’t thinking about what it means to have been married for 41 years. But if I thought that they would listen, I would like to tell them that it is indeed a very wonderful thing. Not only is growing up together a blessing, so is growing old together.
I guess if you had asked me back then I might have at least thought that Susan would be a wonderful grandmother, but I didn’t think about what it would be like to be grandparents together at all back in those days. She was such a wonderful mother that I had great confidence by the time that our children were raised and launched and on their own that being grandparents together would be a wonderful adventure. But thinking about things before they occur is rarely as rich and meaningful as experiencing them first hand.
One of the lessons that this life has taught me is that counting numbers and measuring time is only one way of evaluating things. There are plenty of good things that don’t last 41 years. You can’t evaluate the quality of a relationship by counting the years. You can’t measure joy by counting days. There are many marriages that are rich and meaningful and bring forth futures that last different amounts of time. It is no sign of God’s disfavor to be granted a different number of years.
Had you told me, when we first married, that we could only have 15 years or any other number, I think I would have gone for it anyway. Total commitment doesn’t demand a measuring stick. The bottom line, however, is that we are very lucky to have been given these years. And it is incumbent upon on us to treasure and value the gift of time that we have been given.
From the perspective of this day, I’d be happy for another 41, though I am well aware of the statistics and know that is unlikely to occur.
Of course this life has given more meaning than marriage. We have had meaningful work and careers that have been challenging and rewarding. We have watched our children grow into their adult lives and become married themselves. We have grandchildren whose life adventures are fascinating and joyful. We have been blessed with good friends whose company beings us delight. Since those early student apartments, we have always had a place to call home and food enough for meals each day. Our lives have not been scarred by war or major tragedies. We have known grief and loss, but they have been things that we could bear together.
One thing is clear to me. 41 isn’t just another year. No year is just another year. It is a treasure to be savored and experienced and enjoyed and valued. It is filled with unique experiences and precious moments. It is worthy of our attention and love and commitment. And, like all of the other years of our marriage, the span between 41 and 42 will bring surprises. We can’t see or predict the future. There are new adventures that await. It is a good season of our lives and a good year to be together.
The number 41 gets less press.
There are plenty of biblical characters who live to be more than 40 years old. The stories of Abraham and Sarah mostly come from the years after they were 40. But e don’t have many specific stories about what happens in the 41st year. It is short of the jubilee. It is greater than 40 but less than a lot of other numbers.
I remember 41 years ago today very well. It was our wedding day. We were young. In today’s culture, we might be considered too young for marriage. We thought that we were being very mature and making wise decisions, but looking back, we had a lot of growing up to do and were mostly lucky in the decisions that we made. Maturity wasn’t really part of the picture for us in those days. Still, it proved to be a very good decision for us. Sometimes growing up together can be a very good thing.
Back then, 41 years seemed to us to be a very long time. It was a couple of lifetimes. We knew a few couples who had been married that long, but they were the ages of our grandparents. I don’t think I spent much time thinking about what life would be like 41 years later.
I think we both intended to have children and raise a family, but we were in no hurry to have children right away. We were interested in completing our educations. As it turned out, we spent the first five years of our marriage being students. Those years were a time of wonderful experiences, forging lifelong relationships and growing together. We studied together, read many of the same books and explored our theologies and understandings of God and the world together. We lived in tiny, cramped apartments and didn’t have much money or many possessions and were as happy as we could be.
These days, I am glad not to be living in a student apartment in Chicago, but I can see that the days will come when we will make the move to a senior apartment and once again pare down our possessions. But that is an adventure for another day and we’ve got quite a few adventures in us.
I suppose that to young couples getting married these days we are quite old. They probably aren’t thinking about what it means to have been married for 41 years. But if I thought that they would listen, I would like to tell them that it is indeed a very wonderful thing. Not only is growing up together a blessing, so is growing old together.
I guess if you had asked me back then I might have at least thought that Susan would be a wonderful grandmother, but I didn’t think about what it would be like to be grandparents together at all back in those days. She was such a wonderful mother that I had great confidence by the time that our children were raised and launched and on their own that being grandparents together would be a wonderful adventure. But thinking about things before they occur is rarely as rich and meaningful as experiencing them first hand.
One of the lessons that this life has taught me is that counting numbers and measuring time is only one way of evaluating things. There are plenty of good things that don’t last 41 years. You can’t evaluate the quality of a relationship by counting the years. You can’t measure joy by counting days. There are many marriages that are rich and meaningful and bring forth futures that last different amounts of time. It is no sign of God’s disfavor to be granted a different number of years.
Had you told me, when we first married, that we could only have 15 years or any other number, I think I would have gone for it anyway. Total commitment doesn’t demand a measuring stick. The bottom line, however, is that we are very lucky to have been given these years. And it is incumbent upon on us to treasure and value the gift of time that we have been given.
From the perspective of this day, I’d be happy for another 41, though I am well aware of the statistics and know that is unlikely to occur.
Of course this life has given more meaning than marriage. We have had meaningful work and careers that have been challenging and rewarding. We have watched our children grow into their adult lives and become married themselves. We have grandchildren whose life adventures are fascinating and joyful. We have been blessed with good friends whose company beings us delight. Since those early student apartments, we have always had a place to call home and food enough for meals each day. Our lives have not been scarred by war or major tragedies. We have known grief and loss, but they have been things that we could bear together.
One thing is clear to me. 41 isn’t just another year. No year is just another year. It is a treasure to be savored and experienced and enjoyed and valued. It is filled with unique experiences and precious moments. It is worthy of our attention and love and commitment. And, like all of the other years of our marriage, the span between 41 and 42 will bring surprises. We can’t see or predict the future. There are new adventures that await. It is a good season of our lives and a good year to be together.