Practicing Puncraft
16/01/13 05:50
OK. I’m sure you’ve already heard these:
Sign at the drug rehabilitation facility: keep off the grass.
Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off in a tragic accident? He’s all right now.
I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.
Have you heard about the police officer’s three-year old son who was resisting a rest?
Sleeping comes so naturally to me that I could do it with my eyes closed.
I’ve always wanted to learn sign language. I figure it would be pretty handy.
Then, of course there are the long versions of puns. I’ve been known to tell a story that goes on and on in order to deliver a rather cheap pun as a punch line.
Puns are a particular form of humor giving the punster an opportunity to demonstrate their large vocabulary. Comedy writers as varied as William Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and George Carlin have all employed puns. If you prefer, check out the Roman playwright Plautus. He wrote puns in Latin.
Some claim that the name “pun” is an acronym for “play upon names,” but I prefer the more technical and musical sounding appellation for the humor form: paronomasia. Wikipedia goes so far as to break down the humor form into classes and categories.
Homophonic puns use word pairs that sound alike but have different meanings. George Carlin’s famous line is an example: “Atheism is a non-prophet institution.”
Homographic puns use words that are spelled the same but have different meanings and sounds. Heteronymic puns take words in different parts of speech that sound alike and put them together in an unusual sentence construction. Doug Adams’ line, “You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish” is an example.
There are compound puns, recursive puns, and puns that defy classification.
Puns were the staple of vaudeville. “Why did the entomologist always look for examples shorter than six millimeters when studying Anthonomus grandis? He knew that you should always choose the lesser of two weevils.”
If you are groaning by now, you might want to just skip the rest of today’s blog. People who live with those of use who are incurable punsters learn not to react in the slightest to any of our silly jokes. My wife is a master of not reacting when I make pun after pun. Usually I stop after a while and she is able to return to intelligent conversation. Besides, she has already heard all of my puns – over and over again. So if you are a comedy writer or a comedian, you probably should stop reading at this point as well because few of my puns are original. They are often things that I have heard someone else say.
My cousin has started to make reversible jackets. I’m excited to see how they turn out.
Rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no
John Deere stands behind every piece of machinery they ever sold, except for the manure spreaders.
Did you hear about the woman who got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun?
That was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Oh, yes, I could go on and on. One pun begets another, which is why it is always a treat to get together with someone else addicted to puns. We try to deliver one liners in succession each seeking to outdo the other in the complexity of the set up before delivering the simple punch line.
The witches and wizards decided that it was time to embrace modern technology. They set about to create a giant database of all of their incantations. They consulted with their ancient books and they repeated the magical words over and over. The computer wizard did the entry, typing so fast that his fingers flew over the keys. Finally their system was complete. It was time to test the new online incantation database. They all stood back as the big black pot was warmed up next to the glowing computer screen. Each step of the process was repeated in the order displayed on the screen. Nothing happened. They tried again. Once again the incantation failed. It was only later that they realized that they had forgotten to use spell check.
It is better to have a short husband than none at tall.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have lost a towel.
Did you hear about the choir director who preferred former pirates? They were always willing to hit the high seas.
If you steal someone’s coffee, can you be arrested for mugging?
Oh yes, I have more of these than will fit into a 1,000 word essay. Actually, it is a pretty cheap way to complete this morning’s blog. Some days I just can’t come up with an idea for what to write about. I search through the headlines of the news and nothing strikes my fancy. I ponder what might interest my readers and come up blank. There are some days when I just can’t come up with anything for the blog at all. It is like my brain has gone on a topical vacation.
After months of accidents, mistakes, and problems producing the movie, the trailer was produced without at hitch!
The Bible is filled with puns. In the Song of Solomon we read of the man who in order to woo his sweetheart, “gave her wine and nectar.” Paul the Apostle wrote of his days of experimentation with drugs by saying, “I myself was once stoned.” Jesus actually employed real puns in his recorded words. He declared, “Upon this rock I will build my church.” If you have been following the text you know that the Ancient Greek word for rock was also Peter’s name, “petra.” Of course to really get all of Jesus’ puns, you have to have an understanding of Aramaic, the language he spoke. For example when Jesus called the Pharisees “blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel,” it looses a lot in translation if you don’t know that the Aramaic word for gnat is “gaima” and the word for camel is “gamia.” OK, so you had to be there to get it, but trust me it was hilarious when Jesus said it. What he meant is that Pharisees let punctilious piety blind them to mercy.
So I offer my apologies to those who have endured this entire blog. In my own defense, you should already know that I’m no Ernest Hemingway. Then again, the pun also rises.
Sign at the drug rehabilitation facility: keep off the grass.
Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off in a tragic accident? He’s all right now.
I forgot how to throw a boomerang, but then it came back to me.
Have you heard about the police officer’s three-year old son who was resisting a rest?
Sleeping comes so naturally to me that I could do it with my eyes closed.
I’ve always wanted to learn sign language. I figure it would be pretty handy.
Then, of course there are the long versions of puns. I’ve been known to tell a story that goes on and on in order to deliver a rather cheap pun as a punch line.
Puns are a particular form of humor giving the punster an opportunity to demonstrate their large vocabulary. Comedy writers as varied as William Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde and George Carlin have all employed puns. If you prefer, check out the Roman playwright Plautus. He wrote puns in Latin.
Some claim that the name “pun” is an acronym for “play upon names,” but I prefer the more technical and musical sounding appellation for the humor form: paronomasia. Wikipedia goes so far as to break down the humor form into classes and categories.
Homophonic puns use word pairs that sound alike but have different meanings. George Carlin’s famous line is an example: “Atheism is a non-prophet institution.”
Homographic puns use words that are spelled the same but have different meanings and sounds. Heteronymic puns take words in different parts of speech that sound alike and put them together in an unusual sentence construction. Doug Adams’ line, “You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish” is an example.
There are compound puns, recursive puns, and puns that defy classification.
Puns were the staple of vaudeville. “Why did the entomologist always look for examples shorter than six millimeters when studying Anthonomus grandis? He knew that you should always choose the lesser of two weevils.”
If you are groaning by now, you might want to just skip the rest of today’s blog. People who live with those of use who are incurable punsters learn not to react in the slightest to any of our silly jokes. My wife is a master of not reacting when I make pun after pun. Usually I stop after a while and she is able to return to intelligent conversation. Besides, she has already heard all of my puns – over and over again. So if you are a comedy writer or a comedian, you probably should stop reading at this point as well because few of my puns are original. They are often things that I have heard someone else say.
My cousin has started to make reversible jackets. I’m excited to see how they turn out.
Rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no
John Deere stands behind every piece of machinery they ever sold, except for the manure spreaders.
Did you hear about the woman who got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun?
That was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
Oh, yes, I could go on and on. One pun begets another, which is why it is always a treat to get together with someone else addicted to puns. We try to deliver one liners in succession each seeking to outdo the other in the complexity of the set up before delivering the simple punch line.
The witches and wizards decided that it was time to embrace modern technology. They set about to create a giant database of all of their incantations. They consulted with their ancient books and they repeated the magical words over and over. The computer wizard did the entry, typing so fast that his fingers flew over the keys. Finally their system was complete. It was time to test the new online incantation database. They all stood back as the big black pot was warmed up next to the glowing computer screen. Each step of the process was repeated in the order displayed on the screen. Nothing happened. They tried again. Once again the incantation failed. It was only later that they realized that they had forgotten to use spell check.
It is better to have a short husband than none at tall.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have lost a towel.
Did you hear about the choir director who preferred former pirates? They were always willing to hit the high seas.
If you steal someone’s coffee, can you be arrested for mugging?
Oh yes, I have more of these than will fit into a 1,000 word essay. Actually, it is a pretty cheap way to complete this morning’s blog. Some days I just can’t come up with an idea for what to write about. I search through the headlines of the news and nothing strikes my fancy. I ponder what might interest my readers and come up blank. There are some days when I just can’t come up with anything for the blog at all. It is like my brain has gone on a topical vacation.
After months of accidents, mistakes, and problems producing the movie, the trailer was produced without at hitch!
The Bible is filled with puns. In the Song of Solomon we read of the man who in order to woo his sweetheart, “gave her wine and nectar.” Paul the Apostle wrote of his days of experimentation with drugs by saying, “I myself was once stoned.” Jesus actually employed real puns in his recorded words. He declared, “Upon this rock I will build my church.” If you have been following the text you know that the Ancient Greek word for rock was also Peter’s name, “petra.” Of course to really get all of Jesus’ puns, you have to have an understanding of Aramaic, the language he spoke. For example when Jesus called the Pharisees “blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel,” it looses a lot in translation if you don’t know that the Aramaic word for gnat is “gaima” and the word for camel is “gamia.” OK, so you had to be there to get it, but trust me it was hilarious when Jesus said it. What he meant is that Pharisees let punctilious piety blind them to mercy.
So I offer my apologies to those who have endured this entire blog. In my own defense, you should already know that I’m no Ernest Hemingway. Then again, the pun also rises.