If I have a grandaughter
17/06/13 05:32
If someday I have a granddaughter, I won’t have to tell her that she can grow up to be anything that she wants. The women in her life are strong and independent and have pursued varied careers with grace and dignity. I won’t have to tell her that love is the most powerful force in this life. She will be surrounded by love from the very beginning. I won’t have to tell her of the importance of family. She will be surrounded by family from the moment she arrives.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of her great-great-great grandmother Mary who made lovely bonbons for the ladies’ aid society of the church, dipping coconut balls in chocolate and occasionally slipping in a cotton ball because it was so much fun to watch those ladies the in awkward position of having a mouth full of cotton at a formal affair. She also delighted in setting out a rubber donut coated with powdered sugar on the plate with the fresh donuts for the delight of watching field hands struggle with an inedible item in a kitchen filled with such good smells of cooking.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will teach her to pass the butter with just the right twist and shove to make the recipient’s thumb go into it. Humor is a legacy in this family and she has a right to learn that in our world practical jokes are not the exclusive provinces of men.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of her great-great-great grandmother Hattie who got thrown out of a saloon for her political opinions and refused to accept that politics was the realm of men even though she lived before this nation granted the vote to women. I will tell her of the sacrifices that Hattie and her husband Roy went through to bring a piano into the wilds of Montana when steamships plied the Missouri River because music is worth the effort every time.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will sing silly songs and political songs and songs of other generations because music is larger than life itself. Sometimes a song is a better teacher than a lecture.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I won’t have to teach her that family is bigger than genetics. She will know it from life in a family that people have entered by adoption and birth and marriage and are all treated equally and fairly. Belonging is stronger than biology.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her about her great-great grandmother Amy who once dropped a prized tea cup while preparing for a formal tea at the church. Once she realized that the cup was shattered beyond repair she said, “Oh Hell!” and threw down the saucer shattering it. Had she not done so, the teacup would have been long lost and forgotten by now. Instead she created a story worth telling for many more generations. Loss comes to everyone in this life. Forgetting is not required.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of her great grandmother Charlotte who grew up in the midst of the deepest poverty imaginable in Ziebach County, South Dakota and who forged a family against all odds, even when everything around her was going a bit crazy. I will tell her how she raised three daughters and when the eldest fell in love, she fell in love with her and became the best mother-in-law that could be imagined.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of here great grandmother Meg who wanted to be a mother with all of her heart and when she was unable to conceive adopted two daughters, then gave birth to three children and adopted two more. I will report how she got up at 5 am every morning to do the books for the family business before preparing breakfast for that great big family. I will report the patience with which she could untangle a fishing reel or spackle in another new windowpane when one was broken. I will tell her about Meg’s bike trips in China and Sri Lanka and the Philippines after she was 60 years of age because she refused to let being a widow stop her from having adventures.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I won’t have to teach her about courage and character. She will know them in the attitude of her parents towards the world and the everyday ways they incorporate them into making their way in the world. I won’t have to teach her to learn to take risks but also to show reasonable caution. Adventures can be had without compromising safety. There are enough real risks iin life that there is no shame in avoiding them when they are unnecessary. She will learn these things by participating in this family.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of Ruth and Esther and Mary Magdalene and other grandmothers of our faith whose names may have been forgotten, but whose leadership and faithfulness made us the people that we are today. I will remind her how much her life affects so many other lives and that each person can play a key role in the unfolding history of our people.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will dance with her every opportunity I get. I won’t worry that I am old and clumsy and have never been much of a dancer. I will tell her that dancing has never come naturally to me and that even thought I studied dance in college, I had to become the father of a daughter before I learned the power of dance.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will feed her ice cream before it occurs to her parents that this is a good idea and then take her out for ice cream again and again. I will play as many hands of Go Fish as she wants – even if it is a hundred more than anyone else would have patience to play. And when she is older I will teach her to play spoons and laugh past her bedtime.
But if, for some reason I never have a granddaughter, I will do all these things with my grandson – because the lessons are no less powerful for boys than for girls.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of her great-great-great grandmother Mary who made lovely bonbons for the ladies’ aid society of the church, dipping coconut balls in chocolate and occasionally slipping in a cotton ball because it was so much fun to watch those ladies the in awkward position of having a mouth full of cotton at a formal affair. She also delighted in setting out a rubber donut coated with powdered sugar on the plate with the fresh donuts for the delight of watching field hands struggle with an inedible item in a kitchen filled with such good smells of cooking.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will teach her to pass the butter with just the right twist and shove to make the recipient’s thumb go into it. Humor is a legacy in this family and she has a right to learn that in our world practical jokes are not the exclusive provinces of men.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of her great-great-great grandmother Hattie who got thrown out of a saloon for her political opinions and refused to accept that politics was the realm of men even though she lived before this nation granted the vote to women. I will tell her of the sacrifices that Hattie and her husband Roy went through to bring a piano into the wilds of Montana when steamships plied the Missouri River because music is worth the effort every time.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will sing silly songs and political songs and songs of other generations because music is larger than life itself. Sometimes a song is a better teacher than a lecture.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I won’t have to teach her that family is bigger than genetics. She will know it from life in a family that people have entered by adoption and birth and marriage and are all treated equally and fairly. Belonging is stronger than biology.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her about her great-great grandmother Amy who once dropped a prized tea cup while preparing for a formal tea at the church. Once she realized that the cup was shattered beyond repair she said, “Oh Hell!” and threw down the saucer shattering it. Had she not done so, the teacup would have been long lost and forgotten by now. Instead she created a story worth telling for many more generations. Loss comes to everyone in this life. Forgetting is not required.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of her great grandmother Charlotte who grew up in the midst of the deepest poverty imaginable in Ziebach County, South Dakota and who forged a family against all odds, even when everything around her was going a bit crazy. I will tell her how she raised three daughters and when the eldest fell in love, she fell in love with her and became the best mother-in-law that could be imagined.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of here great grandmother Meg who wanted to be a mother with all of her heart and when she was unable to conceive adopted two daughters, then gave birth to three children and adopted two more. I will report how she got up at 5 am every morning to do the books for the family business before preparing breakfast for that great big family. I will report the patience with which she could untangle a fishing reel or spackle in another new windowpane when one was broken. I will tell her about Meg’s bike trips in China and Sri Lanka and the Philippines after she was 60 years of age because she refused to let being a widow stop her from having adventures.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I won’t have to teach her about courage and character. She will know them in the attitude of her parents towards the world and the everyday ways they incorporate them into making their way in the world. I won’t have to teach her to learn to take risks but also to show reasonable caution. Adventures can be had without compromising safety. There are enough real risks iin life that there is no shame in avoiding them when they are unnecessary. She will learn these things by participating in this family.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will tell her stories of Ruth and Esther and Mary Magdalene and other grandmothers of our faith whose names may have been forgotten, but whose leadership and faithfulness made us the people that we are today. I will remind her how much her life affects so many other lives and that each person can play a key role in the unfolding history of our people.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will dance with her every opportunity I get. I won’t worry that I am old and clumsy and have never been much of a dancer. I will tell her that dancing has never come naturally to me and that even thought I studied dance in college, I had to become the father of a daughter before I learned the power of dance.
If someday I have a granddaughter, I will feed her ice cream before it occurs to her parents that this is a good idea and then take her out for ice cream again and again. I will play as many hands of Go Fish as she wants – even if it is a hundred more than anyone else would have patience to play. And when she is older I will teach her to play spoons and laugh past her bedtime.
But if, for some reason I never have a granddaughter, I will do all these things with my grandson – because the lessons are no less powerful for boys than for girls.