Father's Day, 2013
16/06/13 04:27
I don’t know all of the details, but I believe I am descended from a line of really good fathers. I barely knew my maternal grandfather, but he raised five daughters, loosing one to heart disease when she was a teenager. The other four remained very close all of their lives. I think that part of what made for the quality of family life we knew is that our mother was careful in choosing a husband and had reasonable expectations of our father.
I got to observe my father with his father a little more. I was just 20 when grandpa died. Much of what I saw was after grandpa had retired and I even witness the kind of role reversal that occurs when a son begins to take care of his father. They were a bit more formal in their relationship than would be the case today. Grandpa had raised five sons and a daughter. He had seen the family farm though the Great Depression and then made the move to a gas station in a tourist area as a way of embracing the future. There were plenty of struggles, but there were also plenty of good times. The children all remained close in their adult years, which is a testament to the quality of family life that they enjoyed as they were growing up.
My time with my father was short but sweet. Looking back, I am sure that I enjoyed some privileges because I was the oldest son. I always spent a lot of time with my father and some of the best of those times involved going with him as he worked. There were always things to do at the airport and I enjoyed just being with him and hanging out around airplanes. I got more airplane rides than my siblings simply because I was around the airport a lot. Later, when our father went into the farm machinery business, I worked at the store from the time I was old enough to sweep out the feed warehouse until the days I drove truck delivering machinery.
One of my fondest memories of growing up was the year that my father served as my flight instructor. We would go to the airport early in the morning whenever the weather was good. He was a consummate teacher, never riled or panicking, simply giving the information and instruction needed for me to do whatever maneuver we were practicing. He shared not only the technical skills to fly an airplane, but also his love of flying. We often would spend a significant amount of time flying without exchanging many words. There is a great deal that is shared through presence.
When my father became ill, I lived 300 miles away, but I was able to make fairly regular trips to visit him. There were good and bad days during that adventure, but the fact that I was coming from a distance gave me more of a taste of the good days. My youngest brother, who was living at home, got to see more of the everyday progression of his illness. Dad would sense that there was something special when I cam to visit and made an effort to be on his best. We had some very memorable conversations during that time. We talked about his business and I learned some new stories about the time before I was born. But mostly we talked quite frankly about death and about the meaning of his life even though he knew that it would be cut short by death. He was fascinated by the human brain and tried to learn as much as he could about the cancer that was disabling him. He enjoyed talking with the doctors and learning about their treatment plans. He was fascinated by medical technology and wanted to know how things worked. He read books about the brain until the illness left him unable to read.
The are thousands of other stories I have about time with my father.
Our son was born a few months after my father died. He knew that we were expecting but he didn’t live long enough for the birth. Our family seems to be that way. Births and deaths often occur in close proximity. The tears of joy and the tears of sadness often mingle on our cheeks. Later, after my father had died, I would often sense that he was talking to me. It wasn’t some kind of mystical, supernatural experience. I simply would think a thought and it would come to me in his voice. When I was flying an airplane, I’d hear his voice reminding me of items on my checklist. When I faced a challenge I would think, “What would Dad have done?” I found that his teachings and examples were very present in the process of raising our children. He had taught me well and his wisdom was part of the way that our children grew up.
This father’s day, I am very grateful for my father and for all that he taught me. But these days there are new prayers of gratitude to be offered on father’s day. I am so delighted with watching our son as a father. When we are able to be together and even when we are sharing a video chat over Skype, I get plenty of opportunities to see him relate to his son. He is a very active, “hands on” father who listens carefully to his son and teaches by gentle example, patient instruction and consistent response. Now that our grandson has developed a large vocabulary, I delight in listening to their conversations. I like to watch them play together, knowing that the bond they are forming is deep and meaningful. I can see a bit of my father in our son, especially when he gets down on the floor to play with his son.
Last evening we were sharing a video chat when our grandson began to say things for which he was thankful. First of all, I was completely amazed that he knew the world “thankful.” He not only could say it, he knew what it meant. Some of the things on his list wouldn’t have made mine: “I am thankful for elephants. Elephants live in the zoo.” What is deeply meaningful to me is that our grandson is engaging in the practice of thinking of the things for which he is grateful. He shows the signs of having a good father in his life. It is a most meaningful tribute to my father.
Happy Father’s Day!
I got to observe my father with his father a little more. I was just 20 when grandpa died. Much of what I saw was after grandpa had retired and I even witness the kind of role reversal that occurs when a son begins to take care of his father. They were a bit more formal in their relationship than would be the case today. Grandpa had raised five sons and a daughter. He had seen the family farm though the Great Depression and then made the move to a gas station in a tourist area as a way of embracing the future. There were plenty of struggles, but there were also plenty of good times. The children all remained close in their adult years, which is a testament to the quality of family life that they enjoyed as they were growing up.
My time with my father was short but sweet. Looking back, I am sure that I enjoyed some privileges because I was the oldest son. I always spent a lot of time with my father and some of the best of those times involved going with him as he worked. There were always things to do at the airport and I enjoyed just being with him and hanging out around airplanes. I got more airplane rides than my siblings simply because I was around the airport a lot. Later, when our father went into the farm machinery business, I worked at the store from the time I was old enough to sweep out the feed warehouse until the days I drove truck delivering machinery.
One of my fondest memories of growing up was the year that my father served as my flight instructor. We would go to the airport early in the morning whenever the weather was good. He was a consummate teacher, never riled or panicking, simply giving the information and instruction needed for me to do whatever maneuver we were practicing. He shared not only the technical skills to fly an airplane, but also his love of flying. We often would spend a significant amount of time flying without exchanging many words. There is a great deal that is shared through presence.
When my father became ill, I lived 300 miles away, but I was able to make fairly regular trips to visit him. There were good and bad days during that adventure, but the fact that I was coming from a distance gave me more of a taste of the good days. My youngest brother, who was living at home, got to see more of the everyday progression of his illness. Dad would sense that there was something special when I cam to visit and made an effort to be on his best. We had some very memorable conversations during that time. We talked about his business and I learned some new stories about the time before I was born. But mostly we talked quite frankly about death and about the meaning of his life even though he knew that it would be cut short by death. He was fascinated by the human brain and tried to learn as much as he could about the cancer that was disabling him. He enjoyed talking with the doctors and learning about their treatment plans. He was fascinated by medical technology and wanted to know how things worked. He read books about the brain until the illness left him unable to read.
The are thousands of other stories I have about time with my father.
Our son was born a few months after my father died. He knew that we were expecting but he didn’t live long enough for the birth. Our family seems to be that way. Births and deaths often occur in close proximity. The tears of joy and the tears of sadness often mingle on our cheeks. Later, after my father had died, I would often sense that he was talking to me. It wasn’t some kind of mystical, supernatural experience. I simply would think a thought and it would come to me in his voice. When I was flying an airplane, I’d hear his voice reminding me of items on my checklist. When I faced a challenge I would think, “What would Dad have done?” I found that his teachings and examples were very present in the process of raising our children. He had taught me well and his wisdom was part of the way that our children grew up.
This father’s day, I am very grateful for my father and for all that he taught me. But these days there are new prayers of gratitude to be offered on father’s day. I am so delighted with watching our son as a father. When we are able to be together and even when we are sharing a video chat over Skype, I get plenty of opportunities to see him relate to his son. He is a very active, “hands on” father who listens carefully to his son and teaches by gentle example, patient instruction and consistent response. Now that our grandson has developed a large vocabulary, I delight in listening to their conversations. I like to watch them play together, knowing that the bond they are forming is deep and meaningful. I can see a bit of my father in our son, especially when he gets down on the floor to play with his son.
Last evening we were sharing a video chat when our grandson began to say things for which he was thankful. First of all, I was completely amazed that he knew the world “thankful.” He not only could say it, he knew what it meant. Some of the things on his list wouldn’t have made mine: “I am thankful for elephants. Elephants live in the zoo.” What is deeply meaningful to me is that our grandson is engaging in the practice of thinking of the things for which he is grateful. He shows the signs of having a good father in his life. It is a most meaningful tribute to my father.
Happy Father’s Day!