Too many times we read stories of famous people who suffer tragic deaths. One thing about being famous is that your life is displayed in public – sometimes with too much information about your health. When there is a chronic illness like cancer there is a public outpouring of support for the person who suffers the disease. One of the common public responses to a tragic death from cancer is an increase in donations to groups that sponsor research into treatment for the disease. This is a positive expression of public grief and there is much good that can come from such generosity.

But the public response to the victims of mental illnesses is different. There can be harsh judgment, inaccurate statements about weakness and lack of self-discipline, and, all too often, a lack of support for research that would provide increased understanding and more effective treatment for the disease.

There is a lot of negative stigma attached to mental illness. When the disease is fatal, there is a lot of negative stigma attached to death by suicide.

Grief over death by suicide is unique. The way in which the community responds is different than the response to other forms of grief. Being caught up in grief of the death of a loved one makes anyone more vulnerable to depression and thoughts of suicide. The grief following death by suicide increases the risk of the grieving person dying by suicide by more than double.

I work with a support network for people who are dealing with the unique grief that comes after the death of a loved one by suicide. We call ourselves “Survivors of Suicide.” The problem is that not everyone survives. I know the statistics. I understand a few of the dynamics. I cringe when I read stories like those coming out of the death of singer Mindy McCready. The layers of pain and tragedy are so complex that no one will ever fully understand them. The legacy of loss and grief and tragedy that her two sons inherit is beyond comprehension.

I don’t pretend to know what happened. But the lives of public figures are often public and there are lots of things about this tragedy that have been known.

As a teenager, Mindy McCready showed incredible talent as a singer and songwriter. By her early twenties she had become a phenomenon. Her debut album, “Ten Thousand Angels” sold over two million copies. It appears, however, the one of the sources of her creative energy was a deep well of pain. Later grim stories of a very tragic childhood began to come to light. Stories of her being the victim of childhood sexual abuse have been reported. Whatever the background story, success in the music field did not bring her balance and happiness. Instead, success was coupled with broken relationships, drug abuse, drunk driving charges, mental illness, hospitalizations, and custody battles over her two sons.

Then, just a month ago, news came out that her boyfriend and the father of your youngest son, record producer David Wilson was found dead at his home. The cause of his death was ruled to be suicide. The investigation of his death focused attention on McCready who denied any involvement in his death. Her two sons were removed from her care during this time.

Her grief must have been overwhelming.

Those who knew her best struggled to find ways to help her.

But the story ended in tragedy. The Cleburne County Sheriff’s Office in Heber Springs, Arkansas released a statement that they had “arrived on the scene at 3:58 pm yesterday and discovered the body of 37-year-old Melinda Gayle McCready on the front porch of the residence at 1132 Fox Chase. Ms. McCready was pronounced dead at the scene from what appears to be a single self-inflicted gunshot wound.”

Two boys, one six years old, the other ten months old, have lost their mother. According to the statistics they have tragically entered the category of persons at risk to themselves die by suicide. There is enough tragedy for a thousand country songs.

“On a cold dark cloud, with nowhere to fall but down, like a single, naked, unrelenting tear . . . I’m still here,” she sang on her most recent album, “I’m Still Here.” But she isn’t still here. Not now.

“There was darkness, all around me. There were times I was sure I was drowning. There were people, who tried to reach me. But no matter how they loved me, I kept sinking. I got tired on my own hand, I reached inside and I saved myself.”

No one can save herself.

It can’t be done alone.

The bridge to the song is haunting now that the story has unfolded to its tragic conclusion: “This time I can survive. I ain’t dying on nobody else’s cross. I ain’t sufferin’ no more unforgivin’ loss. Oh, no.”

According to the news reports there has been an overwhelming outpouring of grief throughout the American country music community since news of her death was released. Carrie Underwood tweeted, “I grew up listening to Mindy McCready . . . so sad for her family tonight. Many prayers are going out to them . . .”

I have no doubt that the grief is real. I have no doubt that the prayers for her family are sincere.

But the tragedy deserves more. It demands that we increase research into the treatment of mental illness and the prevention of suicide. In addition to the outpouring of grief from the country music community, I pray that there will be an outpouring of generosity to organizations that help to prevent such tragic deaths. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is the leading national not-for-profit organization exclusively dedicated to understanding and preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy, and to reaching out to people with mental disorders and those impacted by suicide.

The most fitting memorial to Mindy McCready would be the education of the public about mood disorders and suicide prevention. Only through education can policies and laws be changed. Only through education can programs and resources be developed for people at risk.

It was as if we could see this tragedy coming, but we were unable to prevent it. But there is always another potential tragedy just around the corner. There is much that remains to be done.

Copyright © 2013 by Ted Huffman. I wrote this. If you want to copy it, please ask for permission. There is a contact me button at the bottom of this page. If you want to share my blog a friend, please direct your friend to my web site.