Feral children
26/06/13 05:12
fe·ral
adjective
\ˈfir-əl, ˈfer-; ˈfe-rəl\1: of, relating to, or suggestive of a wild beast 2 a : not domesticated or cultivated : wild b : having escaped from domestication and become wild
When using the word “feral,” people often use cats as an example. It seems that there is a common understanding of what happens when domesticated cats are left to fend for themselves and continue to populate an area without the benefit of being fed, given veterinarian services, and sheltered. They become wild. That might be a good thing for rodent control in a barn, but it isn’t particularly useful for the relationship between cats and humans. Feral cats aren’t known for their cuddliness.
At the church, we have some experience with feral children. OK, I know that I’m not using the term completely correctly here. These children are not left to raise themselves in the wild. They aren’t even raised by bears or wolves after being abandoned by their parents. Still, they do lack some of the common courtesy that is associated with society in general. They often lack the skills to participate in group activities. They often are not accomplished at getting along with other children. They frequently raise the ire of the adults who volunteer to work with children in our church’s programs.
Sometimes the feral children come to us from outside of our church. Programs like Vacation Bible School are offered to the general public. It is part of our outreach into the community as a congregation. We have discovered that there are some families in our community who enroll their children in as many VBS programs as possible throughout the summer. It isn’t uncommon for us to see a child who has already been to a couple of programs and who has plans for a half dozen more throughout the summer. Sometimes the feral children come from our own congregation. I suppose that like with cats, there are degrees of wildness when it comes to children.
Another term for these children might be “institution raised” children. We can spot them easily when they come into our building. Last night was an example. The parents of a child came into our building, went to the fellowship hall and sat down to wait for supper. Their child wasn’t with them when they entered our building. A few minutes later he came into the building with his skateboard. It was obvious that he had been using it in our parking lot as parents and family members were bringing children. There were probably 40 cars in the lot. It was a dangerous place for skateboards at that time. No one was supervising the child. I guess the assumption of the parents was that once they got him onto church property, he was no longer their responsibility. They expect the institution to take over as soon as they get to it.
Another example is when a child clearly misbehaves in front of a parent. Typically when that happens, the parents respond and help the child learn an alternative behavior. But, from time to time, we experience such an incident in the church where the parents make no response to the behavior at all. It is rare that the lack of response is an intentional ignoring of behavior as part of a specific plan. It is more likely that parents expect the institution to provide the structure and discipline when the child is inside our building. The fact that our church doesn’t work that way seems to escape the notice of those parents.
The majority of the parents in our program are involved and engaged. We see lots of great parenting every day. In fact, we hope that the parents of feral children are paying attention, because our building is filled with great examples for them to follow. Our parents volunteer to staff our programs, provide for their children while giving loving support to the children of others, and teach their children the culture and appropriate behavior of our church.
Every child who comes into our program deserves to be warmly welcomed, provided with a safe environment for learning and growing, receive our loving and prayerful support, and given individualized and personalized care while he or she is part of our church programs. But it is a bigger challenge with feral children. It is hard to get to know a child and understand his or her unique needs and gifts when we see the child only for one week’s program. It is equally challenging for the child to get to know our church, its culture and expectations, when they participate only one week each year.
I’ve heard parents say that they want to give their children exposure to different congregations so that the child will be able to choose her or his own religious affiliations as an adult. What those parents don’t see is that the gift they fail to give the child is the gift of parents who are able to make commitments, become involved, and participate in a church. Too often the choice that is being demonstrated by the parents – that of not making a commitment – is the one made by the child. True choices for children occur in and environment where the commitments of the parents are clearly demonstrated.
For us, however, the words, “No matter who you are, or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome here” are more than just an advertising slogan. They are a description of the kind of church we strive to be. They represent a commitment that we have made. As a result we do not reject the feral children who come our way. We try to provide them the nurturing and loving environment that we seek to provide for all of the children of our church. We try to work with them to teach them the language, culture and faith of the church. We treat them with dignity and respect and expect them to return some of that respect as well.
We are an imperfect group of people. We make mistakes. But we seek to confess our mistakes, ask for forgiveness and move in new directions as we learn from each experience. We confess that our church is not the right place for everyone. We support other congregations in their mission and ministry.
Perhaps, when it comes to the feral children of our community, it takes more than one church to communicate God’s love.