A church home
20/10/13 06:30
We made this trip for a family wedding. Last night’s event was a wonderful celebration of commitment and a delightful opportunity to express our joy at the wonderful young people in our family and the community of friends they have formed. There was a delicious dinner and toasts to the bride and groom and dancing and all of the trappings of a celebration. I have reached the age where I don’t mind being an elder of the family and retiring a bit earlier than some of the celebrants. It was also a family gathering of sorts for my family of origin. Not all of the brothers and sisters could make it, but three of us were together and that doesn’t happen too often. We had time for some catching up and after a season of funerals a few years ago it is good to gather for a celebration of new beginnings.
There were lots of new people to meet. This is part of the process at weddings. Those getting married gather a unique community. Those who know the couple don’t all know one another. And, as is true of many other occasions, the time goes by quickly and there are lots of conversations that are incomplete. So I know little bits about people without knowing their full stories.
So here is a silly observation from last night. A common topic of conversation is what we do for a living. As we are getting to know others, we ask about their vocations. On finding that I am a minister, some people asked why I wasn’t officiating at the occasion. I tried to explain that there are times in my life when I enjoy the role of family member. I wanted very much to come to this wedding as Julia’s uncle – not as an officiant. I wanted to be part of the family, not the one in charge of signing the paperwork. But that is a bit difficult to explain in a few sentences in a partial conversation in a crowd of people. I found myself saying, “I like being part of Julia’s family.” That’s true.
But somehow in the course of conversation, several times last night, I discovered that the ability to lead a wedding ceremony and sign a license isn’t all that unique a skill. In the course of the evening I spoke to at least three people, including the officiant at the evening’s ceremony who officiate at weddings, but who have never served as pastors of congregations. The officiant now performs weddings as a full time job, having transitioned from being a wedding musician several years ago. His wife was also ordained to do weddings to expand the family business. Portland, Oregon is a large city and apparently there is no lack of business for the couple. He is so busy that he didn’t come to the rehearsal. I assume that he was performing a different wedding ceremony the night before.
Another person with whom I spoke pursued a credential that could be used to qualify to perform weddings as a sort of rebellion against the church. This person is not exactly anti-religious, but has problems with organized religion and wanted to offer services to those who don’t want to become involved in churches.
A third person seemed to have gotten into the business of doing weddings to perform ceremonies for family members. He was very pleased to have officiated at both his son’s wedding and the wedding of his father. Presumably it wasn’t the first wedding for his father, but I never got the whole story.
I’m sure that I am as much of a mystery to those officiants as they are to me. They probably think it a bit strange that someone would rather be in the congregation than up in front at a family wedding. They probably don’t understand how hard I work to connect couples with communities of faith. They probably don’t know what I do with the larger part of my time working in a church. They probably can’t fathom why I would be so passionate about the history and theology of liturgy in general, or why I have such a strong sense of an appropriate order for a ceremony or my commitment to each word of the vows that are exchanged. I probably seem strange to them.
But I also don’t understand what would attract someone to officiate at weddings without also leading baptisms and communion and confirmations and funerals and regular worship of a community. I can’t even think of the special ceremonies in which I participate apart from the journey of a faith community.
This world is filled with many different people and we don’t all see the world from the same perspective.
Sometimes when I am speaking with colleagues in the ministry we will talk about the parts of our job that we find more or less appealing. I have several friends who would say that they prefer to officiate at a funeral over a wedding because the opportunity to make connections with the family and form lasting bonds with the church are more present in a funeral than a wedding. I’ve heard my colleagues complain about the couples that come to them for a wedding because they like the building as a background for the pictures or the church’s price is lower than other venues. While I try hard not to be a complainer, I guess that I have, in the past, shared some of the things that I don’t like about some weddings as well.
But the truth is that I like weddings. I enjoy seeing people making lasting promises to one another. I have been so blessed by being married that I want that blessing for others. But I also like being an uncle and I like being a father. I appreciate the ministers who officiated at the weddings of our children and allowed me to participate fully with the rest of my family in the ceremonies. I don’t always have to be in charge in order to worship and sometimes it is a treat not to be the one in charge.
This morning, however, I am missing my congregation. It is good to have a vacation and it is good to be with family, but I am also eager to return home to a community of people who are there for each other in all of life’s occasions and who are aware of belonging to a deep and long tradition and an emerging future.
I’m betting that the wedding officiants with whom I spoke last night never get to deliver firewood with the woodchucks or serve a meal at the mission alongside people whose faith they admire. It is good being an uncle at my niece’s wedding. And it is good to have a church to go home to again and again.
There were lots of new people to meet. This is part of the process at weddings. Those getting married gather a unique community. Those who know the couple don’t all know one another. And, as is true of many other occasions, the time goes by quickly and there are lots of conversations that are incomplete. So I know little bits about people without knowing their full stories.
So here is a silly observation from last night. A common topic of conversation is what we do for a living. As we are getting to know others, we ask about their vocations. On finding that I am a minister, some people asked why I wasn’t officiating at the occasion. I tried to explain that there are times in my life when I enjoy the role of family member. I wanted very much to come to this wedding as Julia’s uncle – not as an officiant. I wanted to be part of the family, not the one in charge of signing the paperwork. But that is a bit difficult to explain in a few sentences in a partial conversation in a crowd of people. I found myself saying, “I like being part of Julia’s family.” That’s true.
But somehow in the course of conversation, several times last night, I discovered that the ability to lead a wedding ceremony and sign a license isn’t all that unique a skill. In the course of the evening I spoke to at least three people, including the officiant at the evening’s ceremony who officiate at weddings, but who have never served as pastors of congregations. The officiant now performs weddings as a full time job, having transitioned from being a wedding musician several years ago. His wife was also ordained to do weddings to expand the family business. Portland, Oregon is a large city and apparently there is no lack of business for the couple. He is so busy that he didn’t come to the rehearsal. I assume that he was performing a different wedding ceremony the night before.
Another person with whom I spoke pursued a credential that could be used to qualify to perform weddings as a sort of rebellion against the church. This person is not exactly anti-religious, but has problems with organized religion and wanted to offer services to those who don’t want to become involved in churches.
A third person seemed to have gotten into the business of doing weddings to perform ceremonies for family members. He was very pleased to have officiated at both his son’s wedding and the wedding of his father. Presumably it wasn’t the first wedding for his father, but I never got the whole story.
I’m sure that I am as much of a mystery to those officiants as they are to me. They probably think it a bit strange that someone would rather be in the congregation than up in front at a family wedding. They probably don’t understand how hard I work to connect couples with communities of faith. They probably don’t know what I do with the larger part of my time working in a church. They probably can’t fathom why I would be so passionate about the history and theology of liturgy in general, or why I have such a strong sense of an appropriate order for a ceremony or my commitment to each word of the vows that are exchanged. I probably seem strange to them.
But I also don’t understand what would attract someone to officiate at weddings without also leading baptisms and communion and confirmations and funerals and regular worship of a community. I can’t even think of the special ceremonies in which I participate apart from the journey of a faith community.
This world is filled with many different people and we don’t all see the world from the same perspective.
Sometimes when I am speaking with colleagues in the ministry we will talk about the parts of our job that we find more or less appealing. I have several friends who would say that they prefer to officiate at a funeral over a wedding because the opportunity to make connections with the family and form lasting bonds with the church are more present in a funeral than a wedding. I’ve heard my colleagues complain about the couples that come to them for a wedding because they like the building as a background for the pictures or the church’s price is lower than other venues. While I try hard not to be a complainer, I guess that I have, in the past, shared some of the things that I don’t like about some weddings as well.
But the truth is that I like weddings. I enjoy seeing people making lasting promises to one another. I have been so blessed by being married that I want that blessing for others. But I also like being an uncle and I like being a father. I appreciate the ministers who officiated at the weddings of our children and allowed me to participate fully with the rest of my family in the ceremonies. I don’t always have to be in charge in order to worship and sometimes it is a treat not to be the one in charge.
This morning, however, I am missing my congregation. It is good to have a vacation and it is good to be with family, but I am also eager to return home to a community of people who are there for each other in all of life’s occasions and who are aware of belonging to a deep and long tradition and an emerging future.
I’m betting that the wedding officiants with whom I spoke last night never get to deliver firewood with the woodchucks or serve a meal at the mission alongside people whose faith they admire. It is good being an uncle at my niece’s wedding. And it is good to have a church to go home to again and again.