Joy
13/02/12 03:11
As a father I have had many dreams for our children. When they were young, I dreamed of them growing up healthy and happy. I worried, at times, about all of the things that might threaten their well-being. I was aware, at times, of how decisions I made about my career, hobbies and other parts of life could impact their lives. Much of being a father has been about awe and wonder for me from the beginning. Our children have had the ability to continually impress, amaze, and delight me. I guess what I am trying to say is that being a father has been more than I was able to imagine from the beginning.
At the birthday party for our grandson, the adults who gathered were challenged to think about his future. His parents had made up some simple cards with an invitation to speculate about his future career. It was all in good fun and not intended to be prophecy. There were lots of divergent possibilities entered onto the cards. Suggestions included rock star, rodeo star, teacher, technology wizard, architect and ventriloquist. One card predicted that his career would be something that doesn’t exist in our contemporary world – something not yet invented.
It was a game we played with our children as they grew up. When I grow up I want to be a fireman, pilot, dancer, basketball player, racecar driver, doctor, and astronaut. The lists were often long and the possibilities seemed endless. When we played the game with our children, we encouraged them to follow their dreams and to work hard to overcome barriers and obstacles that they might encounter.
I don’t remember ever spending much time with them encouraging them to think of becoming a father or a mother. I guess the role of father was new enough to me at the time that I couldn’t quite think ahead to what life would be like when they were older. Children, however, learn more from who we are than from what we say. And they must have picked up the sense of the delight that we found in being married and the central role of children in our lives that struck a chord with our children. I’m not sure that I have ever said it to our children in these exact words, but from the beginning I have wanted their happiness. And I know that my happiness comes in part from having a career that I love. But it also comes from having a marriage and a family that sustains, challenges, and supports me.
In wedding ceremonies I have often said words like these: “We raise our children in love that they might learn to love. It should come as no surprise to us, then that they have come to this place to make commitments of their love.” Yet, somehow, it does surprise us. And it is a good sort of a surprise.
This weekend I have had the delight of watching our adult children as our family gathered. I think I have long known that when the time comes our daughter will be a wonderful mother. What I have thought less about is that she already is a wonderful aunt. The delight in her nephew’s face when she comes into the room is evident. Her ability to focus on him and his needs is apparent. She does not hesitate to sacrifice her own comfort or convenience for her brother’s son.
When our children were growing up, we knew that they would always be brother and sister. It is an added bonus that they are also great friends. Learning to accept and love the partners of their siblings has required adjustment and grace and they have demonstrated those qualities beautifully. I don’t think that I thought much about what kind of brother-in-law or sister-in-law our children would be, but it certainly is delightful to see them moving into those roles as adults.
One of the perspectives of a grandfather is the knowledge of how quickly the days pass and how soon infants become children, children become teens and teens become adults. I know these days of our family with just one grandchild are precious days. I am well aware that our family will change as dramatically in the next few years as it has in the past few years. Families are constantly changing. Each gathering is a unique event and a unique combination of people. The next time we get together things will be different if for no other reason than that we are all getting older.
I think that I used to be able to imagine the pride and joy I might feel as our son talks about his new job and the changes in his career. I’m not sure that I was able to imagine the delight that would flood my life as I watched our daughter play with her nephew. I dreamed of dancing with our daughter on her wedding day for so many years that when it actually happened it seemed like a dream come true. I never quite imagined how wondrous it would feel to listen to her brother propose a toast to the new couple and welcome his new brother-in-law into the family.
It doesn’t take more than a cursory read through of the bible or a few minutes of watching the people around us to understand that families come in all sizes and shapes. There is no magic formula that describes some sort of ideal or perfect set of relationships. But the Bible and the experiences of life are quick to teach that faith is more important than success, hope is more important than security, and love is more important than wealth.
The Gospels report conversations between Jesus and his disciples in which the disciples are asking for recognition and deliverance from pain. Jesus does not promise that these requests will be granted. Instead he suggests that their lives will be marked by service and that they will experience grief. But he also promises them joy.
Our family has known the grief of loss. There are loved ones that we miss every day. And we know that we have been called to lives of service rather than lives of recognition and fame. And in these lives we have known deep joy. Just like Jesus promised, it is a joy that no one can take away. (John 16:22)
I have had an active imagination all of my life. But imagination has its limits. So far reality has exceeded my imagination at every turn. Joy, joy joy!
At the birthday party for our grandson, the adults who gathered were challenged to think about his future. His parents had made up some simple cards with an invitation to speculate about his future career. It was all in good fun and not intended to be prophecy. There were lots of divergent possibilities entered onto the cards. Suggestions included rock star, rodeo star, teacher, technology wizard, architect and ventriloquist. One card predicted that his career would be something that doesn’t exist in our contemporary world – something not yet invented.
It was a game we played with our children as they grew up. When I grow up I want to be a fireman, pilot, dancer, basketball player, racecar driver, doctor, and astronaut. The lists were often long and the possibilities seemed endless. When we played the game with our children, we encouraged them to follow their dreams and to work hard to overcome barriers and obstacles that they might encounter.
I don’t remember ever spending much time with them encouraging them to think of becoming a father or a mother. I guess the role of father was new enough to me at the time that I couldn’t quite think ahead to what life would be like when they were older. Children, however, learn more from who we are than from what we say. And they must have picked up the sense of the delight that we found in being married and the central role of children in our lives that struck a chord with our children. I’m not sure that I have ever said it to our children in these exact words, but from the beginning I have wanted their happiness. And I know that my happiness comes in part from having a career that I love. But it also comes from having a marriage and a family that sustains, challenges, and supports me.
In wedding ceremonies I have often said words like these: “We raise our children in love that they might learn to love. It should come as no surprise to us, then that they have come to this place to make commitments of their love.” Yet, somehow, it does surprise us. And it is a good sort of a surprise.
When our children were growing up, we knew that they would always be brother and sister. It is an added bonus that they are also great friends. Learning to accept and love the partners of their siblings has required adjustment and grace and they have demonstrated those qualities beautifully. I don’t think that I thought much about what kind of brother-in-law or sister-in-law our children would be, but it certainly is delightful to see them moving into those roles as adults.
One of the perspectives of a grandfather is the knowledge of how quickly the days pass and how soon infants become children, children become teens and teens become adults. I know these days of our family with just one grandchild are precious days. I am well aware that our family will change as dramatically in the next few years as it has in the past few years. Families are constantly changing. Each gathering is a unique event and a unique combination of people. The next time we get together things will be different if for no other reason than that we are all getting older.
I think that I used to be able to imagine the pride and joy I might feel as our son talks about his new job and the changes in his career. I’m not sure that I was able to imagine the delight that would flood my life as I watched our daughter play with her nephew. I dreamed of dancing with our daughter on her wedding day for so many years that when it actually happened it seemed like a dream come true. I never quite imagined how wondrous it would feel to listen to her brother propose a toast to the new couple and welcome his new brother-in-law into the family.
The Gospels report conversations between Jesus and his disciples in which the disciples are asking for recognition and deliverance from pain. Jesus does not promise that these requests will be granted. Instead he suggests that their lives will be marked by service and that they will experience grief. But he also promises them joy.
Our family has known the grief of loss. There are loved ones that we miss every day. And we know that we have been called to lives of service rather than lives of recognition and fame. And in these lives we have known deep joy. Just like Jesus promised, it is a joy that no one can take away. (John 16:22)
I have had an active imagination all of my life. But imagination has its limits. So far reality has exceeded my imagination at every turn. Joy, joy joy!