Little Things
19/01/12 04:06
Back in 1996, Richard Carlson wrote a little book of advice in managing stress. The title was “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff – and it’s all small stuff.” The book became the first in a series of best selling books. There was Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff at Work, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff in Love, for Teens, for Women, for Men, with your Family, about money . . . you get the picture.
The book invites readers to look at things a little differently. My initial reaction is that not many people need to read the book. The title says it all.
Everyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that there are little things that can drive you up the wall if you let them. I can give a couple of examples, but first an important disclaimer. These are NOT the little things in my relationship with my wife. Those are for us to talk with each other about, not for me to blurt to strangers in the blog. But there are couples where one leaves the cap off the toothpaste or another rolls the tube the wrong way. There are couples that argue about the “proper” way to load dishes in the dishwasher or how to decide which items in the refrigerator have been kept too long. There are couples for whom dirty socks on the floor or shoes left by the front door are an issue.
I don’t mean to be silly, but all of the little things in life end up sounding really silly when you take a step back and look at them. I know couples that had successful and happy marriages even though one of them would always lay a book face down letting gravity break the spine and the other couldn’t stand to see a book treated that way. I know couples that adored each other and enjoyed living together even though one enjoyed watching television in bed and the other hated to even have a television in the bedroom.
A wise teacher once told me, “If you’re going to pick a fight, at least do it over something that matters. Which way the top sheet faces doesn’t seem worthy of a marital argument. Neither, for that matter, does who takes the garbage to the curb.
Another thing that Carlson got right in his book is that that little things can cause stress in other places than just in marriage and home life.
I know a congregation that ended up asking a minister to leave and find another church. One of the complaints that came up at a meeting was that he wore loafers instead of dress shoes in the pulpit. Seriously – are you going to fire a minister for the kind of shoes he wears? Wouldn’t you think that perhaps theology or pastoral care or preaching style or some other issue might be the thing that caused disapproval of the minister?
As a pastor, I have had outraged parishioners come to me with complaints about how the kitchen is cleaned or the parlor dusted. I have listened to people who have become stressed over the fonts chosen for the newsletter and the choice of storage places for items waiting for a rummage sale. I have watched church finance committees spend 45 minutes choosing between CD rates with a difference of less than 1% and then turn around and vote a $10,000 expense without debate.
Let me be clear about the above-reported discussions of “little things.” The people involved in these things are all committed, caring Christians who read their Bibles, try to be faithful disciples and love their church. One of the reasons that we become upset over things is that we care. Passions flare because it matters to people how their church functions. Tiny details of interest rates matter because every penny donated to the church is a free gift and an expression of faith. How the church uses the precious gifts entrusted to it is an expression of its faith. No gift of God should ever be wasted.
But too often we get caught up in the tiny details and forget to look at the big picture. The Bible’s answer to this comes early in the book and is repeated many times. It is a concept called Sabbath. Don’t focus your attention on the little things seven days in a row. Even God rested on the seventh day. Don’t think you are more important than God. Observing Sabbath is essential to the creative process. New ideas don’t come from staring at the problem until it drives you up the wall. New ideas come from relaxing and allowing your mind to wander.
Sabbaticals have become common in education and the ministry. In professions where professional writing and creative thinking are expected, occasional breaks from everyday activities produce changes in thinking that benefit both the employee and the employer. The concept is now spreading in high tech industries such as computer manufacturers, Internet businesses and communications companies. Research shows that creativity rises when people take a break.
Our people knew this long before there were any studies or research projects. Taking a Sabbath is the fourth of the Ten Commandments. One of my teachers once said, “We don’t have a chance with murder, adultery and stealing if we can’t get people to take a day off.”
Our commandments grew out of real life experience with slavery and the tendency of people to make decisions that restrict their own freedom. In Exodus the people are liberated, but keep running the risk of falling into new and different kinds of slavery. The formula in which the Commandments are presented is this: “If you want to be free, here is what you should do.”
When you find yourself obsessing with and stressing over the little things, take a break. Go for a long walk. Count to ten. Recite the 10 Commandments or the 23rd Psalm. Read the Gospel of Mark. Let your mind wander. Say a prayer. Learn to meditate.
Don’t allow little things to keep you from seeing the big wonderful things that are happening in this world. Check out a sunrise or a sunset. Gaze into a starry sky. If you have to deal with little things at least remind yourself that they are indeed little. Don’t make the little things be the big things in your life.
That’s why thinking about God is so important. If you are really thinking about God, everything else is a little thing.
The book invites readers to look at things a little differently. My initial reaction is that not many people need to read the book. The title says it all.
Everyone who has been in a long-term relationship knows that there are little things that can drive you up the wall if you let them. I can give a couple of examples, but first an important disclaimer. These are NOT the little things in my relationship with my wife. Those are for us to talk with each other about, not for me to blurt to strangers in the blog. But there are couples where one leaves the cap off the toothpaste or another rolls the tube the wrong way. There are couples that argue about the “proper” way to load dishes in the dishwasher or how to decide which items in the refrigerator have been kept too long. There are couples for whom dirty socks on the floor or shoes left by the front door are an issue.
I don’t mean to be silly, but all of the little things in life end up sounding really silly when you take a step back and look at them. I know couples that had successful and happy marriages even though one of them would always lay a book face down letting gravity break the spine and the other couldn’t stand to see a book treated that way. I know couples that adored each other and enjoyed living together even though one enjoyed watching television in bed and the other hated to even have a television in the bedroom.
A wise teacher once told me, “If you’re going to pick a fight, at least do it over something that matters. Which way the top sheet faces doesn’t seem worthy of a marital argument. Neither, for that matter, does who takes the garbage to the curb.
Another thing that Carlson got right in his book is that that little things can cause stress in other places than just in marriage and home life.
I know a congregation that ended up asking a minister to leave and find another church. One of the complaints that came up at a meeting was that he wore loafers instead of dress shoes in the pulpit. Seriously – are you going to fire a minister for the kind of shoes he wears? Wouldn’t you think that perhaps theology or pastoral care or preaching style or some other issue might be the thing that caused disapproval of the minister?
As a pastor, I have had outraged parishioners come to me with complaints about how the kitchen is cleaned or the parlor dusted. I have listened to people who have become stressed over the fonts chosen for the newsletter and the choice of storage places for items waiting for a rummage sale. I have watched church finance committees spend 45 minutes choosing between CD rates with a difference of less than 1% and then turn around and vote a $10,000 expense without debate.
Let me be clear about the above-reported discussions of “little things.” The people involved in these things are all committed, caring Christians who read their Bibles, try to be faithful disciples and love their church. One of the reasons that we become upset over things is that we care. Passions flare because it matters to people how their church functions. Tiny details of interest rates matter because every penny donated to the church is a free gift and an expression of faith. How the church uses the precious gifts entrusted to it is an expression of its faith. No gift of God should ever be wasted.
But too often we get caught up in the tiny details and forget to look at the big picture. The Bible’s answer to this comes early in the book and is repeated many times. It is a concept called Sabbath. Don’t focus your attention on the little things seven days in a row. Even God rested on the seventh day. Don’t think you are more important than God. Observing Sabbath is essential to the creative process. New ideas don’t come from staring at the problem until it drives you up the wall. New ideas come from relaxing and allowing your mind to wander.
Sabbaticals have become common in education and the ministry. In professions where professional writing and creative thinking are expected, occasional breaks from everyday activities produce changes in thinking that benefit both the employee and the employer. The concept is now spreading in high tech industries such as computer manufacturers, Internet businesses and communications companies. Research shows that creativity rises when people take a break.
Our people knew this long before there were any studies or research projects. Taking a Sabbath is the fourth of the Ten Commandments. One of my teachers once said, “We don’t have a chance with murder, adultery and stealing if we can’t get people to take a day off.”
Our commandments grew out of real life experience with slavery and the tendency of people to make decisions that restrict their own freedom. In Exodus the people are liberated, but keep running the risk of falling into new and different kinds of slavery. The formula in which the Commandments are presented is this: “If you want to be free, here is what you should do.”
When you find yourself obsessing with and stressing over the little things, take a break. Go for a long walk. Count to ten. Recite the 10 Commandments or the 23rd Psalm. Read the Gospel of Mark. Let your mind wander. Say a prayer. Learn to meditate.
Don’t allow little things to keep you from seeing the big wonderful things that are happening in this world. Check out a sunrise or a sunset. Gaze into a starry sky. If you have to deal with little things at least remind yourself that they are indeed little. Don’t make the little things be the big things in your life.
That’s why thinking about God is so important. If you are really thinking about God, everything else is a little thing.