We never took our children to Disneyland - or to Disneyworld for that matter. I know it is one of the iconic vacations for families and a lot of people that I know have made the pilgrimage with their children, returning with Mickey Mouse ears and other items from the gift shops. Theme parks have never held much attraction for me. Both of our kids did get to go to Tokyo Disneyland when they traveled to Japan as part of a student exchange. They have seen the Cinderella Castle. I tried to imagine how a blond-haired princess would go over in Tokyo, but I hear that the theme park is very popular.

One year, when I was a teenager I rode almost all of the rides at the Montana State Fair in Great Falls. I purchased a pass for the rides with some of the money I had earned working summer fallow and harvest at my cousin’s ranch. I was excited about going to the fair after a couple of months on the ranch with very few trips to town. I guess I enjoyed it. I can’t remember too much about the rides.

When I was even younger, our family took a trip to Salt Lake City and we had hoped to visit Lagoon Amusement Park. I don’t remember all of the details, but I do remember the threat, “If you kids don’t behave, we are not going to go to Lagoon.” My folks never made idle threats. We didn’t behave. We didn’t go to the park. Later on the same trip we did get to ride on a roller coaster and some other rides at the San Francisco Boardwalk Theme Park.

During my time as an intern minister at Union Church of Hinsdale, Illinois, we took our youth group to Six Flags Great America Park. I rode on the American Eagle roller coaster, a classic wooden roller coaster rated as “moderate” in the current theme park’s rating system. I spent most of my time at that park counting youth group members and making sure that everyone was where he or she was supposed to be.

Still, I can think of a lot of things that I’d rather do than wait in line for amusement park rides. It is a sentiment that is not shared by my niece who has spent some time as a theatre intern at Walt Disney World in Florida and who still shows considerable excitement about theme parks. As near as I can tell, our children haven’t suffered to terribly from my choice to take family vacations in other locations. They seem to be well-adjusted adults who have lots of joy in their lives.

I guess I don’t really understand theme parks. If I have the opportunity one day to visit Denmark, I think I’ll spend my time looking at other things and not bother with a trip to Bon Bon Land Amusement park to ride the Farting Dog Roller Coaster. I’m not making this up. There must be something about the Danish sense of humor that I don’t get. I guess it must somehow be related to the old joke with the punch line, “Honey, I swear it must have been the dog!”

If we get a chance to visit China, I think I’ll take a pass on Dwarf Empire amusement park in Yunnan Province. I guess it is good that there are jobs for all of the little people, though most of them are perfectly capable of doing other jobs. It might be interesting to meet the people and look at the mini-castle, but there are a lot of other things to see in China.

I haven’t ever played the video game Angry Birds, so I think I can take a pass on Angry Birds Theme Park in Finland. That park has “Magic Place” where people can play interactive video games. Hmm . . . travel to Finland and spend your time playing video games . . . not my sense of what to do on vacation.

We loved our visit to Smokey Mountain National Park and hiked up to Clingmans Dome, but we took a pass on Dollywood Theme Park when we were in Tennessee.

I doubt if I will ever find a trip to Abu Dhabi among my financial priorities, but if I do go, I’m not sure Ferrari World will be on the top of my list of things to see. I can probably take a pass on Love Land in South Korea; Crocosarus Cove in Darwin, Australia; Stalin World in Lithuania; Harmony land in Japan (am I the only one who finds Hello Kitty a bit creepy?); and Wunderland Kalkar in Holand (the park promises to be “radiation free,” but still – an amusement park that is a converted nuclear power station?).

And for my religious enlightenment, I guess I’ll take a pass on the Unicorn Palace and Heavenly Palace at Suoi Tien Park in Vietnam. The Buddha theme park is probably quite different from Disneyland, but it seems a strange destination for a pilgrimage.

And while I’m on the topic, I don’t find the notion of a recreation of Jesus’ crucifixion to be an inviting opportunity for tourist visits and cell phone pictures. The Holy Land Experience in Orlando promises the sights, sounds and even the tastes of life in Jerusalem 2000 years ago. The advertisements promise a “spiritual and enlightening experience.” I’m having trouble with the concept of religion as entertainment. And, frankly, in a place so close to the magical kingdom where larger than life-size mice and a duck without pants wander around, I wonder if people will believe that the re-enactments of Bible stories are anything different from good makeup and lots of special effects. The stories that I take to be real don’t lend themselves to a theme park in my opinion.

But then, I don’t get theme parks in the first place.


I might make an exception, however, if I go to Pennsylvania. Hershey Park does have a kind of an appeal.

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