Saying goodbye
17/08/15 05:49
I first met my friend Tony in the fall of 1974 when I walked into my first class at theological seminary. Within the first week, I had at least been introduced to his wife and children. Over the course of our first month, as we fell into the routine of reading, research, writing and discussion that is essential to that form of intense learning, we became friends. Our friendship deepened as we journeyed through our educational process and shared break times together. His family came home to Montana with us on two occasions over the next couple of years. Our second year of seminary our families lived in the same house with a shared kitchen and dining room. After two years of study, it was time for Tony to return to his home country of Australia for his ordination and his life of service in the Uniting Church of Australia. We had two more years of seminary before our ordinations and first call. That summer we drove across the United States together, camping along the way. Tony’s family visited our families in Montana and made a brief visit to the church camp where we were serving for the summer. Then it was time for us to say good bye as they drove on to California, and then traveled on to Australia. It wasn’t easy, but we said good bye.
That was 37 years ago. Over those years we have had the opportunity to get together on a few occasions, mostly when Tony has had long service leaves and his family has traveled to the U.S. In 2006, we were able to visit them in their home in Australia. We have plans to get together in 2016 when he and his wife will be celebrating 50 years of marriage and retirement after a long and successful career. And, after that visit we will have to say good bye again.
Our relationship, however, isn’t limited by the fact that we live in different places and have had different paths of service. Each time we get together it is as if we hadn’t been apart. We pick up with our conversations. We love to discuss theology and the work of the church. We love to talk about family and the loved ones in our lives. We have shared some intense times of grief and loss in our lives and there are many memories of family members who have died that we enjoy sharing. And we talk about our dreams for the future - what we might do with the next stage of our lives. We know that our parting will come all too soon. Most of our lives will be intense times of a week or two together followed by long periods of living in different places - on two different continents.
Each time we are together, we know that we will have to say good by all too soon.
Today is a day of saying good bye to our grandchildren. We have had a wonderful visit. We’ve gone on a lot of adventures for a visit that was just over a week. We’ve ridden bikes and paddled boats and visited the ocean together. We’ve taken walks and played games and our grandson has had five sleepovers at our camper. We’ve shared meals and sung silly songs and laughed together. We really enjoy each other and love the opportunities to be together. And, for now, we have to say good bye.
It isn’t easy. There is a part of me that would like to move closer to these grandchildren and see them more often. There is a part of me that would love to be in the same town as our son and watch him develop his career and grow his family. I remember the fall when we took him to his first year of college and said good bye, leaving him there in the dormitory and headed back to South Dakota. It seemed like a sad day all day long. We were glad that he had found a college. We were excited that he was pursuing a career and developing a life. But we were sad to say good bye. It changed our lives not to have the same kind of physical presence of a son who had been born to us and grown up in our home.
This morning, when we say good bye to our grandchildren, we will be helping with an important part of their education and journey toward adulthood and maturity. They will be learning that saying good bye is not the end of a relationship. They will be learning that you can remain close to someone even when the physical distance is great. They will be learning to say good bye.
Saying good bye is one of the important lessons of life. It is a hard lesson to learn, often accompanied with tears and a feeling of sadness. It is, however, a necessary lesson. We want our children and grandchildren to grow into lives that reach beyond our own. We want them to have experiences that are beyond our reach. We want them to develop independence and the ability to form their own relationships and explore the vastness of God’s universe. And for them to grow beyond our sphere we need to teach them to say good bye.
Then we need to teach them that good bye isn’t the end. By being present in their lives through whatever means we have we teach them that we can be emotionally close even when large physical distances separate us. They can be free to live their lives knowing that our love and support isn’t limited to a single address or a single state. Wherever they go, we are with them.
It was a lesson that our people had a hard time learning. The stories of Abraham and Sarah leaving the home of their ancestors have been told by our people for four millennia. And we will be telling them for many more because they are fundamental to our identity as people. We are mobile. We travel. We explore the world. And we take our faith and values with us when we travel. God is bigger than the distances we travel. And God is love. And nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God.
It’s that simple. And it’s that complex. And it is hard to say good bye. In doing so, however, we step out in faith and we teach our children and grandchildren to do the same. As they head to their next adventures our love goes with them no matter what.
That was 37 years ago. Over those years we have had the opportunity to get together on a few occasions, mostly when Tony has had long service leaves and his family has traveled to the U.S. In 2006, we were able to visit them in their home in Australia. We have plans to get together in 2016 when he and his wife will be celebrating 50 years of marriage and retirement after a long and successful career. And, after that visit we will have to say good bye again.
Our relationship, however, isn’t limited by the fact that we live in different places and have had different paths of service. Each time we get together it is as if we hadn’t been apart. We pick up with our conversations. We love to discuss theology and the work of the church. We love to talk about family and the loved ones in our lives. We have shared some intense times of grief and loss in our lives and there are many memories of family members who have died that we enjoy sharing. And we talk about our dreams for the future - what we might do with the next stage of our lives. We know that our parting will come all too soon. Most of our lives will be intense times of a week or two together followed by long periods of living in different places - on two different continents.
Each time we are together, we know that we will have to say good by all too soon.
Today is a day of saying good bye to our grandchildren. We have had a wonderful visit. We’ve gone on a lot of adventures for a visit that was just over a week. We’ve ridden bikes and paddled boats and visited the ocean together. We’ve taken walks and played games and our grandson has had five sleepovers at our camper. We’ve shared meals and sung silly songs and laughed together. We really enjoy each other and love the opportunities to be together. And, for now, we have to say good bye.
It isn’t easy. There is a part of me that would like to move closer to these grandchildren and see them more often. There is a part of me that would love to be in the same town as our son and watch him develop his career and grow his family. I remember the fall when we took him to his first year of college and said good bye, leaving him there in the dormitory and headed back to South Dakota. It seemed like a sad day all day long. We were glad that he had found a college. We were excited that he was pursuing a career and developing a life. But we were sad to say good bye. It changed our lives not to have the same kind of physical presence of a son who had been born to us and grown up in our home.
This morning, when we say good bye to our grandchildren, we will be helping with an important part of their education and journey toward adulthood and maturity. They will be learning that saying good bye is not the end of a relationship. They will be learning that you can remain close to someone even when the physical distance is great. They will be learning to say good bye.
Saying good bye is one of the important lessons of life. It is a hard lesson to learn, often accompanied with tears and a feeling of sadness. It is, however, a necessary lesson. We want our children and grandchildren to grow into lives that reach beyond our own. We want them to have experiences that are beyond our reach. We want them to develop independence and the ability to form their own relationships and explore the vastness of God’s universe. And for them to grow beyond our sphere we need to teach them to say good bye.
Then we need to teach them that good bye isn’t the end. By being present in their lives through whatever means we have we teach them that we can be emotionally close even when large physical distances separate us. They can be free to live their lives knowing that our love and support isn’t limited to a single address or a single state. Wherever they go, we are with them.
It was a lesson that our people had a hard time learning. The stories of Abraham and Sarah leaving the home of their ancestors have been told by our people for four millennia. And we will be telling them for many more because they are fundamental to our identity as people. We are mobile. We travel. We explore the world. And we take our faith and values with us when we travel. God is bigger than the distances we travel. And God is love. And nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God.
It’s that simple. And it’s that complex. And it is hard to say good bye. In doing so, however, we step out in faith and we teach our children and grandchildren to do the same. As they head to their next adventures our love goes with them no matter what.