Dear readers: I am on vacation today through July 20. We are spending our time in Montana, starting out at the place by the river that was our childhood summer home. On Wednesday, we’re headed to the River Ranch, near Floweree, site of my great grandparents’ and grandparents’ homesteads. From there we are going to a Montana State Park on the Fort Peck Reservoir. That means a couple of things. One is that while on vacation I might not always write the blog first thing in the morning, and most days I don’t plan to write as early as I do when I am at home. Secondly, we are spending most of the week in remote locations with few people. Both the River Ranch and the Reservoir campground are more than 25 miles from paved roads. I won’t have access to high speed Internet during the week at all and I will only be able to publish the blog if I have a cell phone signal, something that is likely to be absent from the places we are visiting. I will upload all of the blogs by July 21 at the latest. Sorry for any inconvenience.

One of the things about being a minister and working with people for nearly four decades is that I sometimes find myself putting people into categories. I know that this can lead to misperceptions and misplaced prejudices. However, it can be helpful for me to remember a similar situation when confronted by a specific need or problem. For example, when I encounter someone who is in need of food, I have found it is a good general practice to see if I can share a meal with them as well as helping them with groceries. Sometimes, I can get a better understanding of what will be most helpful. When someone tells me a long story about why they need a specific type of assistance, I have learned to listen carefully and then ask pointedly, “What is it that you need the most.” Frequently I am unable to solve all of the problems - sometimes I can’t even solve the most pressing problem. All I am able to do is to contribute to the solution.

Over the years, I have learned not to be too surprised at the kinds of problems that arise in families. Terrible things happen to really good people. Illness makes no distinctions of class or race or gender. Tragedy can strike in the least expected places. There are days when people are completely shocked by what occurs. Sometimes people can be incredibly mean to one another - even to people they know and love - even to members of their own families. There is nothing about being a member of a church that makes a person somehow immune to tragedy. And some of the people who are active in churches can behave in decidedly un-Christian ways at times.

This way of thinking can be helpful to me as a pastor. But I’m not sure that it makes me a better brother or husband or father. I’ve been known to respond to family members as if they were members of the church - or even as if they were people I had not previously met. I’m pretty sure that can be very off putting. When presented with a family problem, I might try to do a little analysis, forgetting that any evaluation of a family situation that I might make is incredibly biased. I am, after all, a member of the family.

Remembering to keep an open mind and to give people a little bit of grace is as important in dealing with my family as it is in any other relationship.

So it is with a little bit of hesitation that I go into this vacation where I will be seeing a lot of family members. Like any other family, we have very different circumstances and very different needs. As my father often said, “Equal isn’t always fair.” And we need to be sensitive to those needs because we have some shared resources. Part of our parents’ estate was left in trust. And for better or worse, I am one of the trustees. That means it is my responsibility to manage those resources for the benefit of all - even when on individual might want special privilege or consideration.

I learned many years ago that there are some parts of being in a family that are very similar to the work that I do. When we were getting started in our careers, it was difficult for me to spend too much of my vacation time with my family. It didn’t feel like being on vacation. It felt like working. I was dealing with complex relationships, trying to mediate when people didn’t get along, solving problems that seemed to be similar to some of the problems that I encounter in my work. While some member of the family have work that isolates them from others, my work means being intensely involved in the lives of folk. Vacation, for me, is usually going off to a place without too many people and giving myself time to unwind and reflect. I prefer my vacations without too many intense conversations.

The reality, however, is that I need these relationships. I need to be a part of a family. Even when there are disagreements or differences of opinion, I belong to these people. Again quoting our father: “You can’t resign from a family.” Being a minister does involve specific duties and responsibilities. It is, in part, a defined task. It is what I do. Beyond that, however, being a minister is about being an integrity. It is about who I am. I can’t turn it off and on at will. I’m not somehow a minister when I am in my congregation and not a minister when I am on vacation. I am who I am all of the time and that means caring about relationships and people and trying to work for peace and justice.

It will be an interesting vacation. The first couple of days may feel quite a bit like being at work. At the end of the week, when it is pretty much just Susan and me and the Missouri River, I’ll get time to think and reflect and absorb the events of this end of the week.

Life is never boring.

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