Yesterday I sat in a circle of friends and our discussion turned to moments in our lives when we experienced hopelessness. There were only nine people at the meeting and of that number two shared stories of being on the edge of suicide, having chosen the means and the time of their own death. In both cases, the process was interrupted, or their focus shifted and the plans were not carried out. In both cases hope was somehow recovered, through a process of hard work and new ideas. Reflecting on the conversation afterward, I am aware of how rare such conversations are. We don’t often find communities of trust that allow such frank conversation. And when we do, we can be reluctant to share.

Working with our community’s LOSS team, a first-responder group that provides services to families when a suicide occurs, I am well aware that there are many who reach that edge between life and death and the story ends with death. The pain and loss and grief that we bear as a community is intense and all too frequent. I know that suicide is a very complex matter, involving brain diseases that are often misdiagnosed and misunderstood, treatments that have failed and dynamics that are often misinterpreted. While we have learned much about suicide prevention and know specific positive steps that can be taken when suicidal ways are recognized and the response is appropriate, there are times when we simply didn’t have enough information to prevent the tragic events.

One thing that I noticed about our conversation was that in both cases, the trip to the edge of death was a single event. Somehow, at the edge of despair both persons found reasons to go on living and began a process of recovery. That process involved different steps and processes in each story. In one story, a teacher was instrumental in opening new ideas and a different sense of purpose. In another the inability to come up with a care plan for children reminded the person that indeed she was needed and that there was no one who could take her place. These stories are, unfortunately, unique. Too many people come to the edge of suicide, have the process interrupted, and return to the edge of death. Sometimes this occurs multiple times before things go too far and a life is ended. Sometimes there eventually comes treatment that works.

I wonder what is the difference? Why do some people rise from despair and never return and others become entangled in a cycle of despair where hope is rarely, if ever, glimpsed?

There is evidence that chemical changes in the brain can be a factor. There are medicines that are effective in treating those chemical imbalances. But that is only part of the story.

Later in the evening, I spent a few moments looking at my grandfather’s Bible. It is not one of my regular bibles for devotional reading or study. The translation reflects the language of a different time and I prefer the combination of sturdier paper, larger print and scholarly footnotes for regular Bible reading. I keep the book for sentimental reason, I suspect. It reminds me not only of my grandfather, but also of my mother.

If you back up two generations from me, the majority of my relatives took faith as a given, an essential element of a meaningful life. They didn’t run away from doubt, but they lived lives of faith in which they wrestled with doubt. They had a strong sense of vocation, coming, in a large part from a lifestyle where regular church attendance was expected. Each person has a calling from God and when you discover it, what you do to earn your living is fulfilling a larger purpose. I know that there were people in that generation who experienced despair. I know that there were suicides, though they were seldom talked of and often covered up.

Move forward two generations in the other direction and it is obvious that the world has changed. Although our grandchildren are still young, I know teens whose grandparents are my age. In their world doubt seems to be more common and faith is almost an exception. Whereas their great, great grandparents pursued lives of faith with occasional struggles with doubt, these young people seem to be living lives of doubt with occasional flashes of faith. Their experience is not one of being immersed in a community where regular religious practice is expected. Sports and shopping and recreational activities are elevated to levels that often exceed participation in church. I wonder how these young people will discover their sense of purpose. Do they even have a sense that purpose is important in their lives?

It is interesting to me that twenty-somethings frequently feel pressure from the wider society to have a plan of what they are going to do with their lives. Vocational and educational choices are seen as the most important elements in their lives. While they pursue serious relationships, marriage often takes a back seat to education, career and other concerns. We did things in a different order. My career was not established before marriage. Our path was unclear. We simply made the decision to walk our lives’ paths together without knowing their direction. I frequently hear from young people today that they can’t think about marriage until they know who they are and where they are going with their lives. They feel huge pressures to become financially successful in a world that increasingly makes that goal elusive.

I don’t think that advice is a good way for my generation to connect with younger folks, but if I were able to give advice, I would suggest that paying attention to relationships is more important than forging careers. Purpose in life is a gift of community and not something you can discover on your own. I discover deep meaning in the conversation of trusted friends.

I find great hope in the young adults I know. I am comfortable stepping aside and watching them assume leadership. As they do, I pray that they will find lasting relationships and the purposefulness in living their lives for others. It is obvious to me that they are a part of something far bigger than just their own pursuits and goals. May they discover that truth as they explore this wonderful life.

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