It might just be the kind of articles that I am drawn to read, or it might be a reflection of the times in which we live, but it seems to me like I’ve read quite a few articles lately on learning to say “no.” The basic just of most of the articles is that in our fast-paced society people become over committed and fill their lives with too many activities, events, committees, commitments, projects and the like. The solution, from the point of view of these articles, is to learn to say “no” more often, to make fewer commitments, and to take on less work.

It is true that I often find myself over-committed, drawn to more projects and commitments than is practical. I am fairly practical when I approach problems that need to be solved. I often evaluate things in terms of what is the most efficient in terms of time. There are some folks who say that I don’t delegate effectively and I’m sure they are accurate in their assessment. I’ve been known to do a job or accomplish a task by myself because it simply takes less time to do so than it would take to get someone else to do it. It can be a problem for me when I get myself off balance and find myself short of time for my life’s biggest priorities and commitments. But in general, I don’t find that saying “no” is a solution to my problems.

So, in the face of all of the articles like “Five Ways to Say No Gracefully,” that I’ve been reading lately, here are a few ideas about saying “yes.”

My life has meaning because I have said “yes” to some really big projects. There were times, in the midst of having young children in our lives, when I longed for more time for sleep, or reading, or quiet contemplation. Our lives were filled with demands, many of which came from the small voices in our home. But I have never regretted that commitment. Looking back from this vantage point of my life, I think that the experience was worth more than sleep. The relationships with our children are still at the core of my life and being with them is always time well-invested.

I have said “yes” to other big projects. I’ve worked through capital funds drives with churches I’ve served. I’ve helped find solutions to community problems. I’ve taken on the role of chairperson of some complex organizations. Although I’m not especially a fan of meetings, I’ve been through seasons when my life filled with meetings and I’ve invested the time and energy to develop relationships and participate in directing organizations.

I have said “yes” to long-term commitments. In a vocation where the majority of my colleagues have changed which church they serve or even changed their entire career, I have found it most meaningful to stick with a call for longer periods of time. There have been only three calls in my nearly 37 years of being an ordained minister. Each of those calls has involved sticking with congregations through rough times, tackling projects that take a long time to accomplish, and going through periods of refocusing work and relationships. Unlike some other careers, there is no “ladder” to climb in the pastoral ministry. Many clergy moves are lateral - from one place to another or from one set of problems to another. I’ve found that sticking with a congregation produces as many opportunities for meaning and growth as moving to a new call.

The life-long promises I have made including marriage, ordination, and the vows at our children’s’ baptisms continue to be sources of deep meaning and vitality for me. I’m as committed to those things today as I was on the day I made the original promises.

It is meaningful for me to continue to say “yes” to hands-on activities. Our church has janitors and they work hard, but there is nothing wrong with me replacing the toilet paper or cleaning up a spill. When I see a bit of litter bowing around the church yard, i stop and pick it up. The connection with real work is always meaningful for me. The jobs that some find to be less attractive give me time to think. I’ve found that in general that the jobs some others think have less dignity are sources of great dignity for me. I move a lot of furniture in the course of a normal week. I’m always schlepping tables or loading chairs onto a cart to move from room to room. I have colleagues who try to avoid such tasks, but I find that I can pray and carry a table at the same time and sometimes my prayers are more meaningful when my body is engaged in work. I do plenty of desk work, but if that was all I did, I would be even less efficient than I now am.

My life has benefitted from being able to say “yes” to jobs that are way bigger than I am. When I tackle a cause or concern that can’t be solved in my lifetime, that requires me to connect with people and resources that are beyond the scope of my expertise, and that push the limits of my endurance, I discover that I am not alone in my passion and commitment. Along the way I am reminded that there are very few things that I can accomplish alone and a whole universe of worthy endeavors where I contribute, but don’t need to be in charge.

I’m sure that there are thousands of nos in my life. Sometimes saying “yes” to a particular project means saying “no” to others. Contrary to the articles I read, however, I don’t find much energy or joy in saying “no.”

One thing that you can count on. If you call my phone to recruit me for another job and you get my voice mail, it isn’t because I’m avoiding your call. It is because I’m engaged in another relationship or activity. Leave a message. You never know, I might be getting ready to say “yes!”

I wrote this. If you want to copy it, please ask for permission. There is a contact me button at the bottom of this page. If you want to share my blog a friend, please direct your friend to my web site.