Loving in our differences
07/12/15 03:40
Literature is filled with stories of couples who manage to fall in love despite animosities between their families. Some stories tell of animosities between different communities, others speak of feuds between specific families. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is mirrored in stories of the Hatfields and McCoys, West Side Story, and countless other tales. These stories didn’t begin with Shakespeare, however. There are similar stories embedded in the works of the ancients. Both Greek and Roman mythologies contain stories of people who weren’t “supposed” to fall in love, but managed to do so anyway. And they are filled with stories of hatreds and animosities that are irrational and destructive, but persist anyway.
Most families have stories that in some way mirror the literature. Well, actually it is more likely that literature mirrors real life. I have a cousin who, half a century ago, fell in love with and married a woman who grew up in a Roman Catholic Family despite our family’s heritage of Protestantism. His father, my uncle, was so angry about the relationship that he refused to go to the wedding. I remember my parents amazement at my uncle’s inflexibility and disappointment that he cut himself off from such a significant event in his son’s life. In this particular series of events, the gentle kindness and persistence of the bride finally won over the father-in-law and long before the end of his life he learned to accept the marriage and to love his daughter-in-law.
But not all of our human stories have happy endings. We can develop divisions that are painful and angers that are destructive over what might seem to others to be trivial disagreements. Although there are some who blame religion for anger, animosity and even war, I remain convinced that a world without religions would not be less violent or less divided. We humans develop deep passions, many of which are irrational, and those passions can grow into anger and anger can become violent. Tragedy of human making is a deep theme of our existence.
From my perspective as a pastor, a student of religious history, and one who is intrigued by the study of philosophies, most, if not all, of these disagreements and troubles begin inside of what were once groups of like-minded people. Christianity was a thousand years established as an institutionalized religion before the development of the great schism that divided Eastern and Western Christianity. The stream of history that gave rise to our corner of the faith was firmly entrenched in the Roman Catholic Church for more than 1500 years. It was only the divisions in the church that have been labeled the Protestant Reformation that moved us out of that stream. From our contemporary perspective, it is easy to see our similarities in belief and practice.
I am often a bit thrown by some of the members of my particular corner of the church when they react negatively to a practice, hymn, or other aspect of worship as being “too catholic.” I see the elements of our shared history not as something that we have divided up, but rather as something that we share. We may see certain practices from a different perspective, and I know that we aren’t the same, but there is so much in our faith that connects us with those whose traditions vary from our own.
I am currently working with a young couple with the planning of their wedding. She grew up in our congregation. He grew up in a Roman Catholic family. They both take their faith and their family’s religious traditions seriously. They are working to learn and understand as much as possible about each other’s faith traditions. They have taken classes and met with religious leaders. They have shed some tears and struggled with some of the differences in family traditions, attachments and passions. I am confident that despite their differences, they will find a meaningful path in this life that respects those differences and forges a life of faith for their family. I have no special ability to predict the future, but I am hopeful when I am with this couple because of their deep respect for each other and the traditions each brings to their relationship.
Differences don’t have to become conflicts.
Tragically, however, there are forms of religious fundamentalism that give rise to violence. Over and over again in the history of the church, people have become so attached to a particular interpretation of our story that they become intolerant of those who understand things differently. There have arisen, throughout our history, voices that claim that they are right and that everyone else should see things their way. These voices have given rise to acts of violence against those who dissent or disagree. Violence in the name of religion is a shameful part of our story.
Knowing this about ourselves, I am particularly sensitive to unkind words and ignorant claims when I hear them from folks in our congregation. We, too, can be intolerant of those of different faiths. We too, are capable of making statements that reflect biases and prejudices. It seems unlikely that we would take up arms and commit acts of violence, but we are certainly capable of making guests feel unwelcome and displaying forms of religious prejudice.
That is why we practice, over and over, the art of compassion and inclusion. That is why we repeat, as an element of worship, words of welcome and acceptance. We confess that we are far from perfect - that the ideal of our faith lies beyond our grasp at times. We understand that our community needs to continue to learn and grow and expand. Along the way unkind words are sometimes spoken. Unkind thoughts are sometimes expressed. We have to learn to apologize, to look at things from another perspective and to grow through our imperfections and mistakes.
God is incredibly patient with us as we travel this journey and form a community that is safe and supportive yet welcoming and open to change. Sometimes, when we get it right, we can reflect that patience as we work with each other.
Sometimes we add a new chapter to our literature of stories where love triumphs over human prejudices. We sing our songs and pray our prayers and really mean the words that we say.
Most families have stories that in some way mirror the literature. Well, actually it is more likely that literature mirrors real life. I have a cousin who, half a century ago, fell in love with and married a woman who grew up in a Roman Catholic Family despite our family’s heritage of Protestantism. His father, my uncle, was so angry about the relationship that he refused to go to the wedding. I remember my parents amazement at my uncle’s inflexibility and disappointment that he cut himself off from such a significant event in his son’s life. In this particular series of events, the gentle kindness and persistence of the bride finally won over the father-in-law and long before the end of his life he learned to accept the marriage and to love his daughter-in-law.
But not all of our human stories have happy endings. We can develop divisions that are painful and angers that are destructive over what might seem to others to be trivial disagreements. Although there are some who blame religion for anger, animosity and even war, I remain convinced that a world without religions would not be less violent or less divided. We humans develop deep passions, many of which are irrational, and those passions can grow into anger and anger can become violent. Tragedy of human making is a deep theme of our existence.
From my perspective as a pastor, a student of religious history, and one who is intrigued by the study of philosophies, most, if not all, of these disagreements and troubles begin inside of what were once groups of like-minded people. Christianity was a thousand years established as an institutionalized religion before the development of the great schism that divided Eastern and Western Christianity. The stream of history that gave rise to our corner of the faith was firmly entrenched in the Roman Catholic Church for more than 1500 years. It was only the divisions in the church that have been labeled the Protestant Reformation that moved us out of that stream. From our contemporary perspective, it is easy to see our similarities in belief and practice.
I am often a bit thrown by some of the members of my particular corner of the church when they react negatively to a practice, hymn, or other aspect of worship as being “too catholic.” I see the elements of our shared history not as something that we have divided up, but rather as something that we share. We may see certain practices from a different perspective, and I know that we aren’t the same, but there is so much in our faith that connects us with those whose traditions vary from our own.
I am currently working with a young couple with the planning of their wedding. She grew up in our congregation. He grew up in a Roman Catholic family. They both take their faith and their family’s religious traditions seriously. They are working to learn and understand as much as possible about each other’s faith traditions. They have taken classes and met with religious leaders. They have shed some tears and struggled with some of the differences in family traditions, attachments and passions. I am confident that despite their differences, they will find a meaningful path in this life that respects those differences and forges a life of faith for their family. I have no special ability to predict the future, but I am hopeful when I am with this couple because of their deep respect for each other and the traditions each brings to their relationship.
Differences don’t have to become conflicts.
Tragically, however, there are forms of religious fundamentalism that give rise to violence. Over and over again in the history of the church, people have become so attached to a particular interpretation of our story that they become intolerant of those who understand things differently. There have arisen, throughout our history, voices that claim that they are right and that everyone else should see things their way. These voices have given rise to acts of violence against those who dissent or disagree. Violence in the name of religion is a shameful part of our story.
Knowing this about ourselves, I am particularly sensitive to unkind words and ignorant claims when I hear them from folks in our congregation. We, too, can be intolerant of those of different faiths. We too, are capable of making statements that reflect biases and prejudices. It seems unlikely that we would take up arms and commit acts of violence, but we are certainly capable of making guests feel unwelcome and displaying forms of religious prejudice.
That is why we practice, over and over, the art of compassion and inclusion. That is why we repeat, as an element of worship, words of welcome and acceptance. We confess that we are far from perfect - that the ideal of our faith lies beyond our grasp at times. We understand that our community needs to continue to learn and grow and expand. Along the way unkind words are sometimes spoken. Unkind thoughts are sometimes expressed. We have to learn to apologize, to look at things from another perspective and to grow through our imperfections and mistakes.
God is incredibly patient with us as we travel this journey and form a community that is safe and supportive yet welcoming and open to change. Sometimes, when we get it right, we can reflect that patience as we work with each other.
Sometimes we add a new chapter to our literature of stories where love triumphs over human prejudices. We sing our songs and pray our prayers and really mean the words that we say.