Last night we went out for dinner. It was homecoming at the high school in the community where we were eating and there restaurant was crowded. In addition to the usual Saturday evening crowd, there were groups of teenagers, dressed for a dance, out to dinner, working hard to impress each other. We had to wait a while for a table and when we got one, the restaurant was full, the waitress a bit overworked and harried, and the place was noisy with the crowd.

We were seated at a booth and my back was to a young man who was out with three young children, a baby, who was probably not yet two years old, who sometimes sat in a high chair, two little girls who sat next to the man who I presumed was their father. Across from the man was a younger woman and a young teen, who might have been mother and daughter, but the relationships were unclear. I could tell from the overheard conversations that the mother of the children wasn’t present.

Of course their lives and circumstances were none of my business and what I know of them came only from overheard snatches of conversation as we sat enjoying our meal and the company of our daughter and son-in-law.

In addition to being crowded with noisy and excited patrons, the restaurant was filled with memorabilia and bright lights and all kinds of things to look at. Many of the items would be of interest to children, including a horse from a carousel, several child’s riding toys, pictures of people in interesting situations, blinking and shining lights, games, and more. The place clearly was stimulating for the baby in the booth next to us and he was quickly overstimulated, perhaps tired, and soon was fussy. The father clearly had his hands full, trying to order for himself and for the children while dealing with the crying baby. A couple of times he got up and walked out with the baby to calm him down, which was probably a very good idea.

I was uncomfortable with the father’s raised voice, angry words and manner with the baby and the other children. It must have been very awkward for the others with whom he was dining. It was miserable for the baby, who probably didn’t get much to eat, was overstimulated and tired, was out of his comfort zone, and couldn’t figure out how to garner affection from this father.

Again, none of this was any of my business. I just happened to be seated close enough to witness.

As they got up to leave after what must have been a less-than-satisfying meal, a wave of gratitude flooded over me. I thought of the father, who might have been separated from the children’s mother and have them only for the weekend. He seemed to be not very practiced at caring for them. Perhaps he was trying to make a positive impression on the young woman, and failed to do so. Perhaps he was out for dinner with his children and a sibling, it wasn’t clear what the relationships were.

Part of my gratitude was for the simple fact that when we were at the stage of babies I always had a partner to help me with caring for the children. When I was frustrated, my wife was there to help me with caring for the child. Often when we were out with friends, our friends were experienced with children and quick to pitch in and help. If a child needed to be taken from a setting, there were other adults to care for the other child. Compared to what I imagined of the life of that young man, I had it easy.

I was enjoying a meal of good food with good company. The wait for the table and the crowded restaurant were no threat to our evening out. We had time. We didn’t feel stressed by service that was a bit slower than usual and a room that was a bit louder than usual. We had plenty to talk about and time to spare. Our meal out was our primary agenda for the evening. We weren’t rushing to get to another location, anxious about another event.

I know that there are all kinds of reasons that the young man might have been in the situation of being solo caregiver for three children. It is possible that he was separated from his wife. Divorce and separation happens in all kinds of families. All but one of my siblings have experienced divorce. A couple of them have gone through multiple divorces. I’m aware of the pain that comes with separation. I’ve witnessed some rather nasty custody battles. Our lives have been free from those particular stresses and pains. I was lucky in marriage and our children have found wonderful and supportive spouses.

It is possible that the young man was in charge of the children because of an illness or other family crisis. Maybe his wife was out of town caring for her parents or a sibling and he was suddenly left with the care of the children. Maybe the children’s mother was herself ill. These things happen every day.

I added gratitude for strong marriages and healthy relationships to my list of blessings. The blessing of physical health and the health of my loved ones is another source of gratitude.

I am grateful that while I have been able to visit cities and experience the many wonderful and exciting things they have to offer, I’ve been allowed to live in less crowded places. When I am in a packed restaurant, it is a special occasion, not an everyday experience. My daily life is lived with a luxury of space. Our neighbors aren’t too close, our lives aren’t too crowded. I can sit alone on my deck and watch the deer and turkeys without being too crowded. The world is filled with people who are crammed into cities and lack the access to open space and nature that I too often take for granted.

The wave of gratitude stayed with me throughout the evening and remains as I write this blog. In the scheme of things, I am a very fortunate person and there is much for which to be thankful every day.

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