A trip down memory lane
30/04/23 02:53
31 years ago, in April of 1992, I officiated at a wedding in the church we were serving in Boise, Idaho. The groom had been active in our youth group and we had shared a number of experiences, traveling together to Conference and Regional youth events. That particular group of youth had grown very close to one another and had been very good at supporting each other as they journeyed through the ups and downs of high school life. Our church was a bit of a neighborhood congregation, but we had youth from around the city, who attended both of the high schools in town. They probably would not have ended up being friends if it were not for the church. The groom happened to live about half way between where our home was located and the church, and I occasionally visited his family on my way to or from various gatherings at the church.
31 years ago, I wasn’t that old myself, but I had a couple of decades on the high school youth and I was a few years older than the adult volunteers who shared leadership of the youth group. 31 years ago, Susan and I had not yet celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. We were the parents of two active elementary school children and job shared our call as pastors of the church. Our lives were busy and I had real passion for youth ministry. I was directing summer camps and attending lots of youth events. I used to joke that youth ministry was a process of achieving the right balance of caffeine and chocolate. I thought nothing of driving a van load of youth on a 400+ mile road trip, sleeping in my sleeping bag on the floor of a church building, chaperoning youth dances, leading songs with my guitar, delivering those youth to their homes and repeating the process again and again.
From my perspective, those kids who were marrying were young. Then again, I had been young when I married. I knew that they were genuine in their love for one another and their intention to make lifelong commitments.
In some ways, that particular wedding ceremony didn’t stand out from many others at which I officiated. There were lots of weddings at our church and although Susan and I enjoyed co-officiating at weddings, there were occasions when events in our family life meant that we had to use a “divide and conquer” strategy to balance family and church responsibilities. It happened that I officiated at this particular wedding by myself.
Yesterday, using the Internet to set up a Zoom call, I appeared on the screen at a party in the back yard of a home in Boise, Idaho. I didn’t have time to travel there, though I would have liked to be present in person. Our congregation here was hosting the annual meeting of our Conference and I snuck into our office at the church and used our church computer to make the connection. Over in Boise there was an anniversary party for the couple I had married 31 years ago. The party was a surprise for the bride, planned and hosted by the groom. In attendance were their children and grandchildren. Another member of that church youth group from those years ago was also among the guests.
I opened the ceremony with the same greeting and invocation that I used at their wedding. Over the years, I have officiated at so many other weddings and used that same greeting and invocation, that I can say them from memory. But I had my notes in front of me because I understood how important this occasion was for the couple and I didn’t want to risk making a mistake. The marriage vow renewal ceremony was brief and informal. I told a couple of stories, and the couple told a few stories on one another. The guests were happy and showed their support, clapping when the couple shared a kiss, something that had occurred at their wedding. Enough of us had been around 31 years ago that there were plenty of stories to tell. Enough time had passed since that day that there were plenty of stories of things that I had not witnessed. Three years after that wedding, we moved our family from Boise, Idaho to Rapid City, South Dakota and began serving a different congregation.
Each of the congregations we have served in our careers have been special to us and each have resulted not only in stories to tell, but in lifelong friendships. I don’t talk to the folks from that Boise congregation very often, but I’ve got the phone numbers of several in my phone and the couple whose marriage we celebrated yesterday have kept in touch with me over the years. The groom had to be careful to advise me about which phone number and email address to use to prevent me from informing the bride of the surprise party. We were lucky and the technology worked without a problem.
Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had I lived in a different era. Most of the time I feel incredibly grateful to have lived when I did. We went to seminary in the days when all graduate theological education was residential. The college and seminary we attended had requirements about residency and limits on the number of hours we were allowed to work outside of class. Education was a serious communal venture and we benefitted greatly from our colleagues as we prepared for our careers. We completed that process before the existence of personal computers and the Internet, but my career spanned a period of incredible expansion in the use of technology in the church. Cell phones, video conversations, and social media all were introduced during the decades of my active career. I went from never having used a computer to being fairly proficient at setting up and administering local area networks. Our church has the ability to support a statewide meeting with hundreds of in person participants and dozens of online participants streamed over a large screen in our sanctuary. At the same time, one office in the church can support a private wedding celebration with participants in different states.
More delightful than the technology, even when it works well, however, are the relationships that come from a lifetime in the church. I hope that my participation in their anniversary celebration was meaningful for the couple and their guests. I know that it was meaningful for me. It is a treasure to see their children and grandchildren and to witness the joy of a family that grew out of sacred promises made before me decades ago.
31 years ago, I wasn’t that old myself, but I had a couple of decades on the high school youth and I was a few years older than the adult volunteers who shared leadership of the youth group. 31 years ago, Susan and I had not yet celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. We were the parents of two active elementary school children and job shared our call as pastors of the church. Our lives were busy and I had real passion for youth ministry. I was directing summer camps and attending lots of youth events. I used to joke that youth ministry was a process of achieving the right balance of caffeine and chocolate. I thought nothing of driving a van load of youth on a 400+ mile road trip, sleeping in my sleeping bag on the floor of a church building, chaperoning youth dances, leading songs with my guitar, delivering those youth to their homes and repeating the process again and again.
From my perspective, those kids who were marrying were young. Then again, I had been young when I married. I knew that they were genuine in their love for one another and their intention to make lifelong commitments.
In some ways, that particular wedding ceremony didn’t stand out from many others at which I officiated. There were lots of weddings at our church and although Susan and I enjoyed co-officiating at weddings, there were occasions when events in our family life meant that we had to use a “divide and conquer” strategy to balance family and church responsibilities. It happened that I officiated at this particular wedding by myself.
Yesterday, using the Internet to set up a Zoom call, I appeared on the screen at a party in the back yard of a home in Boise, Idaho. I didn’t have time to travel there, though I would have liked to be present in person. Our congregation here was hosting the annual meeting of our Conference and I snuck into our office at the church and used our church computer to make the connection. Over in Boise there was an anniversary party for the couple I had married 31 years ago. The party was a surprise for the bride, planned and hosted by the groom. In attendance were their children and grandchildren. Another member of that church youth group from those years ago was also among the guests.
I opened the ceremony with the same greeting and invocation that I used at their wedding. Over the years, I have officiated at so many other weddings and used that same greeting and invocation, that I can say them from memory. But I had my notes in front of me because I understood how important this occasion was for the couple and I didn’t want to risk making a mistake. The marriage vow renewal ceremony was brief and informal. I told a couple of stories, and the couple told a few stories on one another. The guests were happy and showed their support, clapping when the couple shared a kiss, something that had occurred at their wedding. Enough of us had been around 31 years ago that there were plenty of stories to tell. Enough time had passed since that day that there were plenty of stories of things that I had not witnessed. Three years after that wedding, we moved our family from Boise, Idaho to Rapid City, South Dakota and began serving a different congregation.
Each of the congregations we have served in our careers have been special to us and each have resulted not only in stories to tell, but in lifelong friendships. I don’t talk to the folks from that Boise congregation very often, but I’ve got the phone numbers of several in my phone and the couple whose marriage we celebrated yesterday have kept in touch with me over the years. The groom had to be careful to advise me about which phone number and email address to use to prevent me from informing the bride of the surprise party. We were lucky and the technology worked without a problem.
Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had I lived in a different era. Most of the time I feel incredibly grateful to have lived when I did. We went to seminary in the days when all graduate theological education was residential. The college and seminary we attended had requirements about residency and limits on the number of hours we were allowed to work outside of class. Education was a serious communal venture and we benefitted greatly from our colleagues as we prepared for our careers. We completed that process before the existence of personal computers and the Internet, but my career spanned a period of incredible expansion in the use of technology in the church. Cell phones, video conversations, and social media all were introduced during the decades of my active career. I went from never having used a computer to being fairly proficient at setting up and administering local area networks. Our church has the ability to support a statewide meeting with hundreds of in person participants and dozens of online participants streamed over a large screen in our sanctuary. At the same time, one office in the church can support a private wedding celebration with participants in different states.
More delightful than the technology, even when it works well, however, are the relationships that come from a lifetime in the church. I hope that my participation in their anniversary celebration was meaningful for the couple and their guests. I know that it was meaningful for me. It is a treasure to see their children and grandchildren and to witness the joy of a family that grew out of sacred promises made before me decades ago.
