Chilly winter mornings

For the record, I lived in North Dakota for seven winters and so I feel like I have earned the right to make a joke or two about the weather in North Dakota. When we lived there, we did not own any vehicles with 4 wheel drive and we didn’t have any significant problems getting around. We served two churches that were 17 miles apart in the days of the 55 mph speed limit. One many Sunday mornings, we’d find the state snowplow sitting at the edge of town, knowing that we were on our way. We’d follow the plow to the town where our early service was held. While we were in church, he’d plow 12 miles west to his turn around point and then plow 12 miles back and be sitting alongside the highway for us to follow him back to the town where our house was located in time for the second service.

Attendance went up when the weather got cold and nasty. The joke was the North Dakota farmers don’t want their neighbors to think that they can’t start their cars when it gets cold. Besides, once you’ve gone through all the trouble of starting a vehicle, you might as well drive it enough to really get it warmed up before you shut it down. Neither of our churches had enough plug ins for all of the cars that came to church, so there were always a few that were left running during the service. At -30 in the days before fuel injection and electronic ignition, cars can get a bit cranky about starting.

One story I like to tell about North Dakota is about a North Dakota graveside service. Now, bear in mind that when it gets really cold the frost line sinks too deep to make it practical to dig graves and the cemetery would declare itself closed until things warmed up, so we’d delay committals until a warm day, when we’d bury several bodies in a short amount of time. These days there are enough power machines to dig in the cold weather, but back then waiting wasn’t uncommon. Anyway, when we did have an occasion for a committal service, the people would gather around. There were a lot of men in our part of the country who didn’t have dress topcoats. They had work parkas, but nothing for dress up. So they’d put on a tie and a sport coat and head out for the committal service. No one wanted to admit that they were cold, so they’d all stand around pretending that they weren’t cold and then rush to the fellowship hall for coffee as soon as they could. I used to joke about adding in an extra long prayer, but I never did it. Those are really good people and they deserve a break from time to time.

Another North Dakota story is the sense that if you start wearing your winter parka too soon, you’ll end up being cold. The joke was that if you wear your parka before it is 20 degrees, it will stop working when it gets to 20 below. And that isn’t warm enough - at least it wasn’t during the time we lived there. -30 was common and there were times when it would get that cold and stay that way for four or five days. Any colder than that and things really start breaking. You have to be careful with door knobs and hinges, because the metal isn’t as strong at -35 as it is at a more normal temperature. And you had to check your sewer vents for ice. The moisture in the air rising up the pipe would freeze. Sometimes it would freeze before it got out of the pipe and an ice clog would form. You don’t want sewer gas to build up in your home. And crawling up there to chip out the ice isn’t much fun.

I think it was about 20 degrees when I came home around 6:30 pm yesterday. It is the kind of weather when I can’t seem to wear the right coat. Keep in mind, I spent those winters in North Dakota, so I have an extra coat in my car and a sleeping bag there, too all winter long. If I’m heading out of town, I’ll carry a survival bag with enough food for several days as well as flashlights, batteries, wool socks, space blankets, a small camp stove for melting snow and making tea, candles and other items. Anyway, I try to pick a jacket or vest based on what I think the weather will be like. I don’t wear my parka very often. I also have a good dress duster that is long and very warm. I don’t pretend at funerals any more. I dress for them. Most days, like yesterday, when it was bright and sunny, a good insulated vest is just right. Then, when evening comes, I discover that I’m out without the right coat. If, on the other hand, I wear my parka, you can be sure that I’ll have a mid-day meeting and it will be so warm that I’d feel silly wearing such a heavy coat.

This is, I am well aware, a very strange thing about which to complain. There are a lot of people, even in this country, who don’t have more than one coat. And for many of them the coat they do have probably isn’t warm enough. An insulated sweatshirt is fine for a while, but not sufficient for when the wind gets blowing, which is what the forecast is calling for tomorrow. Its snowing lightly and we’re supposed to see snow showers through the morning and some pretty cold temperatures. The wind won’t be too strong, but 15 mph can move a lot of light snow around. It’s supposed to be much more severe conditions off to the east.

So, I’ve got to remember to bring my parka with me. After all, I’m no longer a North Dakotan. Down here in the South, we aren’t afraid to wear our winter coats.

Copyright (c) 2019 by Ted E. Huffman. I wrote this. If you would like to share it, please direct your friends to my web site. If you'd like permission to copy, please send me an email. Thanks!