Another wedding
17/02/19 05:17
In between short burst of shoveling snow yesterday, I spent quite a bit of time sitting at my computer writing a wedding service. I take every worship leadership opportunity seriously, but I am especially careful when preparing for weddings and funerals. They are “once in a lifetime’ experiences and it is important that I speak with accuracy and care. I know pastoral colleagues who are able to go into a wedding service with a copy of the book of worship and the names of the couple and feel that they have done a professional job of officiating. For me, however, each wedding requires careful thought and deliberation. I use the vows from the book of worship. I might even use a blessing or a scripture recommendation. But I craft prayers and a wedding meditation that are unique to the occasion and the couple who have come to me for the celebration of their marriage.
Weddings have changed a lot since the days when I began serving as a pastor. In general, I work with a lot of couples who are older than was the case decades ago. The average age of first marriage has been steadily going up and the couples with whom I work reflect that change. And couples don’t do things in the same order that was once the common way of doing things. Many couples who come to be married these days have their careers well-established. They may have purchased a home and achieved a degree of financial success before marrying. We married while we were students and had very little in the way of financial resources at that point in our lives. It was common at the time for couples to live very modestly in the first few years of their marriage. These days, becoming established before marrying is common.
I’ve officiated at the wedding of a couple who decided to get a marriage license and make their formal vows on the 20th anniversary of their moving in together. I’ve officiated at weddings of couples who have multiple children before marrying. There are more models of family organization and more options for couples than were common when I began my career as a minister.
Each couple is unique and yet there are some things they share in common. They are at a point in their lives where they are taking their relationship seriously. They are reflecting on a shared past and committing to a shared future. They are aware of the importance of love in their lives. They have discovered the fact that isn’t completely intuitive: no one can be truly free until he or she learns to make lasting commitments. You have to know to whom and with whom you can be true in order to be truly free.
Sometimes when I work with a couple the words for their ceremony come to me with less effort. Sometimes I have to “slog” through a period of feeling less creative before I discover the right words to say. Some days I find myself reading out loud to determine the proper cadence and sound of the words. I always work from a manuscript for weddings and funerals. They seem to be important enough occasions to merit word for word precision.
Yesterday was a “slog” day. I would make myself work for a certain period of time and then I’d allow myself to run an errand. At one point in the day, thinking that I had brought home all that I would need, I made a trip to the office to get a quote that I knew I could find on the office computer. I don’t keep the files that belong to the church on my home computer. Being at the office, I discovered a few small tasks that I could complete that would make the flow of today a bit easier. With a potluck lunch and a wedding sandwiched between the morning worship and the afternoon meeting of The Well, my day needs to be organized to keep moving. Making sure that I have the resources for each event helps the flow of the day.
At the same time I knew that I needed to finish writing this wedding service. Then, in the afternoon I got going and there was some flow to the words I was writing and I was interrupted. In needed to speak with a person and that took the remaining time before needing to cook dinner. After the dishes were done, the driveway needed to be shoveled one more time. It saves me a lot of time if I shovel late on Saturday and don’t have to shovel on Sunday. The boots I wear when I’m dressed up are too slippery on the bottom to wear when shoveling snow. Changing shoes takes time. At any rate it was early evening when I finally got back to the wedding service and completed it. Then I had to read it out loud to make sure that it fit together since I had been working on it in bits and pieces. A few trips up and down the stairs to remember where I had left my tablet computer and a quick check to make sure that I had all of my notes for the various services on the tablet and it was nearly time to get ready for bed.
I once thought that the process of writing weddings and funerals would become easier with the passage of time and the gaining of experience, and I am sure that this is true to some extent. But it isn’t completely the case. Even though I have a wealth of experience and a large number of wedding services on the computer, each service requires a certain amount of effort and energy to prepare. Sometimes I have more time for preparation, especially time for thinking and mulling, than I had in this case. My first meeting with the couple to discuss their wedding was just a couple of weeks ago. Some things just require hard work. My job is, after all a job. Time and dedication are necessary.
But today is a day for celebration. I pray that I’ve found words that will be meaningful to the couple and their guests. And, as a bonus, I’m deeply grateful that last week in the face of the weather forecasts the couple decided to move their wedding from an outdoor venue to the sanctuary of the church. Life is good and my feet will be warm all day long.
Weddings have changed a lot since the days when I began serving as a pastor. In general, I work with a lot of couples who are older than was the case decades ago. The average age of first marriage has been steadily going up and the couples with whom I work reflect that change. And couples don’t do things in the same order that was once the common way of doing things. Many couples who come to be married these days have their careers well-established. They may have purchased a home and achieved a degree of financial success before marrying. We married while we were students and had very little in the way of financial resources at that point in our lives. It was common at the time for couples to live very modestly in the first few years of their marriage. These days, becoming established before marrying is common.
I’ve officiated at the wedding of a couple who decided to get a marriage license and make their formal vows on the 20th anniversary of their moving in together. I’ve officiated at weddings of couples who have multiple children before marrying. There are more models of family organization and more options for couples than were common when I began my career as a minister.
Each couple is unique and yet there are some things they share in common. They are at a point in their lives where they are taking their relationship seriously. They are reflecting on a shared past and committing to a shared future. They are aware of the importance of love in their lives. They have discovered the fact that isn’t completely intuitive: no one can be truly free until he or she learns to make lasting commitments. You have to know to whom and with whom you can be true in order to be truly free.
Sometimes when I work with a couple the words for their ceremony come to me with less effort. Sometimes I have to “slog” through a period of feeling less creative before I discover the right words to say. Some days I find myself reading out loud to determine the proper cadence and sound of the words. I always work from a manuscript for weddings and funerals. They seem to be important enough occasions to merit word for word precision.
Yesterday was a “slog” day. I would make myself work for a certain period of time and then I’d allow myself to run an errand. At one point in the day, thinking that I had brought home all that I would need, I made a trip to the office to get a quote that I knew I could find on the office computer. I don’t keep the files that belong to the church on my home computer. Being at the office, I discovered a few small tasks that I could complete that would make the flow of today a bit easier. With a potluck lunch and a wedding sandwiched between the morning worship and the afternoon meeting of The Well, my day needs to be organized to keep moving. Making sure that I have the resources for each event helps the flow of the day.
At the same time I knew that I needed to finish writing this wedding service. Then, in the afternoon I got going and there was some flow to the words I was writing and I was interrupted. In needed to speak with a person and that took the remaining time before needing to cook dinner. After the dishes were done, the driveway needed to be shoveled one more time. It saves me a lot of time if I shovel late on Saturday and don’t have to shovel on Sunday. The boots I wear when I’m dressed up are too slippery on the bottom to wear when shoveling snow. Changing shoes takes time. At any rate it was early evening when I finally got back to the wedding service and completed it. Then I had to read it out loud to make sure that it fit together since I had been working on it in bits and pieces. A few trips up and down the stairs to remember where I had left my tablet computer and a quick check to make sure that I had all of my notes for the various services on the tablet and it was nearly time to get ready for bed.
I once thought that the process of writing weddings and funerals would become easier with the passage of time and the gaining of experience, and I am sure that this is true to some extent. But it isn’t completely the case. Even though I have a wealth of experience and a large number of wedding services on the computer, each service requires a certain amount of effort and energy to prepare. Sometimes I have more time for preparation, especially time for thinking and mulling, than I had in this case. My first meeting with the couple to discuss their wedding was just a couple of weeks ago. Some things just require hard work. My job is, after all a job. Time and dedication are necessary.
But today is a day for celebration. I pray that I’ve found words that will be meaningful to the couple and their guests. And, as a bonus, I’m deeply grateful that last week in the face of the weather forecasts the couple decided to move their wedding from an outdoor venue to the sanctuary of the church. Life is good and my feet will be warm all day long.