Another rant
28/02/19 05:08
The day after we were married, my in-laws hosted a brunch at their home for family members. We opened our wedding gifts that morning. I don’t remember all of the details, it was more than 45 years ago. It seems to me, looking back, that there were a lot of gifts. Dishes and linens and silverware and a few small appliances. One gift I remember, and I also remember the family who gave it to us, was a brightly colored tea kettle. It was really nice. I didn’t drink tea. My family members didn’t drink tea. We always had a coffee pot in our kitchen, but I didn’t know the difference between a kettle and a pot when it came to tea. The main use for the device in the first year or so of our marriage was to sit on the stove and cover up the burner that we didn’t need. We were college students. We kept cooking to the simple. We made casseroles. We boiled spaghetti. Spaghetti and sauce only take two burners and our stove had four. There was always an extra burner for the kettle to sit on and it added a splash of color to our kitchen.
A few years later, when we were expecting the birth of our first child, the churches we were serving threw a baby shower for us. I can’t remember the event. It is possible that it was mostly an event for women. I do remember that there were a lot of tiny baby clothes that came to us as gifts. I remember much more clearly the showers held for us when we adopted our daughter. We weren’t expecting such an event. In those days baby showers were primarily reserved for the first child in a family. We, however, had ended up with an infant girl with very little warning. I remember going straight from the adoption agency to a shop to buy supplies for the trip home. I remember repurposing the dining room buffet into a changing table/baby clothes storage area when we got home. The drawers in that unit were filled up with gifts from the generosity of the people we served.
We have often been the recipients of the generosity of others. As such, I am cautions about what I am about to write. Because we are definitely in a place to pay forward that generosity to others who are starting their families. And I know the joy that giving a gift can bring.
When we got married, I’m sure that there were gift registries at some of the stores. We, however, didn’t think of such a thing. It would have seemed presumptuous for us to tell others what they should give us. And we would never have thought to put a tea kettle on the list.
These days, however, it is pretty common for an invitation to attend a wedding or a baby shower to include a list of stores where gift registries have been set up. We’ve received invitations that have instructions for making online purchases at stores that will wrap and deliver the gift for you. A couple of times, we’ve used the systems, going to the sites and selecting from a list specific items that are within our budget. We’ve received invitations with very specific instructions: “Don’t buy a card, instead give a book.” Since we often give books as gifts, it seems a bit strange to learn that a book is an add on gift and not a primary gift. Then again, there are lots of things about contemporary culture that we old folks don’t understand.
I’m sure that there are advantages to gift registries. They help avoid duplicate gifts. They help givers to select items that are truly wanted. With people being conscious about not over consuming and not over cluttering their lives with items, it makes sense to avoid the risk of purchasing the wrong item or having multiple gifts that are similar or the same. There probably was some duplication in the wedding and baby gifts we received. I don’t remember it being a problem. Our daughter did a lot of spitting up when she was tiny. I’m pretty sure that no one would have noticed if she had two identical outfits. We were changing her clothes so often we might have seen it as an advantage to have two outfits that were the same.
It isn’t for me to judge whether the new way of doing things is better or worse than the old way. Popular culture doesn’t hinge on my opinion in the first place. And a rant in this journal isn’t going to change the popularity of pre-designed invitations that are ordered over the internet with cute graphics that tend to look a lot like the other ones you get. But I may have a tendency to go for an occasional tea kettle as a wedding gift. And I suspect that there are plenty of baby showers where the book “When We Were Very Young” by AA. Milne doesn’t show up. I hope I can be forgiven for ignoring the gift registries and going off on a whim. I’m more likely to do so with someone I know very well.
Which brings me to another topic: More and more we receive invitations to showers that are being held in large public locations, such as community centers and even hotel ballrooms. I think of such events as being a bit smaller and a bit more personal - something to take place in someone’s living room. Then again, we have been the recipients of at least one event that was held in a church basement, so it isn’t fair for me to complain about others’ events. We do, however, receive invitations to showers for people with whom we haven’t had a conversation in more than a decade. It’s not that we mind giving a gift, but it is harder to know what to give when you barely can remember the recipient’s personality.
When in doubt, I suggest you go with the tea kettle. Bright colors seem like a good idea.The folks who gave ours are lifelong friends whom I'll never forget.
A few years later, when we were expecting the birth of our first child, the churches we were serving threw a baby shower for us. I can’t remember the event. It is possible that it was mostly an event for women. I do remember that there were a lot of tiny baby clothes that came to us as gifts. I remember much more clearly the showers held for us when we adopted our daughter. We weren’t expecting such an event. In those days baby showers were primarily reserved for the first child in a family. We, however, had ended up with an infant girl with very little warning. I remember going straight from the adoption agency to a shop to buy supplies for the trip home. I remember repurposing the dining room buffet into a changing table/baby clothes storage area when we got home. The drawers in that unit were filled up with gifts from the generosity of the people we served.
We have often been the recipients of the generosity of others. As such, I am cautions about what I am about to write. Because we are definitely in a place to pay forward that generosity to others who are starting their families. And I know the joy that giving a gift can bring.
When we got married, I’m sure that there were gift registries at some of the stores. We, however, didn’t think of such a thing. It would have seemed presumptuous for us to tell others what they should give us. And we would never have thought to put a tea kettle on the list.
These days, however, it is pretty common for an invitation to attend a wedding or a baby shower to include a list of stores where gift registries have been set up. We’ve received invitations that have instructions for making online purchases at stores that will wrap and deliver the gift for you. A couple of times, we’ve used the systems, going to the sites and selecting from a list specific items that are within our budget. We’ve received invitations with very specific instructions: “Don’t buy a card, instead give a book.” Since we often give books as gifts, it seems a bit strange to learn that a book is an add on gift and not a primary gift. Then again, there are lots of things about contemporary culture that we old folks don’t understand.
I’m sure that there are advantages to gift registries. They help avoid duplicate gifts. They help givers to select items that are truly wanted. With people being conscious about not over consuming and not over cluttering their lives with items, it makes sense to avoid the risk of purchasing the wrong item or having multiple gifts that are similar or the same. There probably was some duplication in the wedding and baby gifts we received. I don’t remember it being a problem. Our daughter did a lot of spitting up when she was tiny. I’m pretty sure that no one would have noticed if she had two identical outfits. We were changing her clothes so often we might have seen it as an advantage to have two outfits that were the same.
It isn’t for me to judge whether the new way of doing things is better or worse than the old way. Popular culture doesn’t hinge on my opinion in the first place. And a rant in this journal isn’t going to change the popularity of pre-designed invitations that are ordered over the internet with cute graphics that tend to look a lot like the other ones you get. But I may have a tendency to go for an occasional tea kettle as a wedding gift. And I suspect that there are plenty of baby showers where the book “When We Were Very Young” by AA. Milne doesn’t show up. I hope I can be forgiven for ignoring the gift registries and going off on a whim. I’m more likely to do so with someone I know very well.
Which brings me to another topic: More and more we receive invitations to showers that are being held in large public locations, such as community centers and even hotel ballrooms. I think of such events as being a bit smaller and a bit more personal - something to take place in someone’s living room. Then again, we have been the recipients of at least one event that was held in a church basement, so it isn’t fair for me to complain about others’ events. We do, however, receive invitations to showers for people with whom we haven’t had a conversation in more than a decade. It’s not that we mind giving a gift, but it is harder to know what to give when you barely can remember the recipient’s personality.
When in doubt, I suggest you go with the tea kettle. Bright colors seem like a good idea.The folks who gave ours are lifelong friends whom I'll never forget.